When my dog Cairn Terrier dog was alive I got to know a policeman who came round to see me about the vandals over the green next to my bungalow.
He was taken with my dog because he had twin Cairn Terriers.
Some weeks afterwards I was out walking my dog when a policeman pointed at me from across the other side of the road and I stopped thinking something was the matter.
This is the following conversation.
Me ……….. “Christ have I robbed a bank and forgotten about it in my dotage?”
Him laughing…… “I have come over to stroke the dog. Cant you remember me from when I came to see you.”
Me……. “Oh yes I remember, but what are you doing walking the streets”
Him……… “It’s a new ruling now to walk around to make sure all is well.”
Me …… “Well why not have a bike? The bobbies used to use a bike years ago.”
Him………. “I cant because I have a hernia.” As he said that he pointed to his chest.
Me………. “Well I have a hiatus hernia but I can still ride a bike is yours a hiatus one too?”
Him…….. “Mine is swollen let me show you”
With that he undid his tunic and then his shirt and asked me to rub his lump which was quite prominent on his belly button.
Bear in mind this is a busy Saturday afternoon with motorists practically mounting the pavement wondering what an old biddy was doing with her hand inside a coppers tunic.
At that moment two of my neighbours came round the corner and asked me if I was alright and I said “Yes I was just feeling his lump.” They went off helpless with laughter and I said to the cop “That’s not a hiatus one you twit its an umbilical hernia. For Gawd Sake do your tunic up or they will run us both in. ”
My neighbours wont let me forget that day and when I got home hubby said “You have been out a bit longer today Maisie. Have you met someone and had chat?”
I said “Yes I have been rubbing a coppers lump at the end of the street.”
Hubby looked very shocked and said quite indignantly “You never offer to rub my b****r.”
