Take a deep breath and count to ten

[JoM]

That’s my motto this week.

Tom moves out tomorrow. The house currently resembles something off Extreme Hoarders or whatever it’s called. The new stuff that they’ve bought in the spare room, flat packs are in the garage. He’s taken over the study, the middle landing and the open space underneath the stairs. He hasn’t got a system going, he’s basically emptied everything out and it’s just ‘there’, rather than thinking for instance that he’d get the books off his bookcase and pack them before moving onto something else. Advice isn’t welcomed.

He started packing on Tuesday, went out for some boxes and came back with three. He said that he’d get more on Wednesday and also take some of the bin bags to the tip and others to the charity shop. Wednesday came and nothing got done. Nothing.

Yesterday he got up at 10 and headed for the tip. I didn’t see him again until 5pm.
I went up to see if he wanted a coffee while I was making dinner. A few nights before I’d asked if he’d got his documents safe (birth cert,
passport etc) and he said yes, although I sort of got the feeling that he wasn’t sure about his passport. Anyway, back to yesterday evening and he asked me where his passport was. I keep all passports safely in a tin but he’d kept his after he’d last used it, and I distinctly remember telling him that he might as well keep hold of it with his documents. It was on a shelf on his bookcase last time I saw it. But no, he definitely didn’t have it so it must be me who’d lost it was what was being implied. I suggested places to look, had it fallen down behind the drawers in his bedside cabinet, maybe down the side of his bed, perhaps behind his bookcase? No, he said it definitely wasn’t in any of those places.
Thirty minutes later he found it inbetween his bed and the wall.

On Wednesday night he was appalled at what he’d be paying for utilities, asked me to help him look for a better deal and I gave him some tips on how to save money. Take shorter showers, don’t leave lights on in empty rooms, only run the washing machine or dishwasher when you have a full load.
We went to the cinema last night and came home to see the house rivalling Blackpool (Joe was in bed so it wasn’t him). Before we’d gone out I’d put the dishwasher on, the cycle had finished but it was too hot to empty it so I told him (in case he put dirty mugs in with the clean) and said I’d empty it when I got home.

At 11pm I opened the dishwasher door and the heat hit me. It’d obviously been on again. The full load was still in there but Tom had made himself scrambled egg on toast. He’d obviously hand washed the pan but he’d wedged the plate inbetween two others on the bottom rack rather than putting it in its own little slot and had run the dishwasher again to wash that and his knife and fork, and because of how he’d wedged the plate in it hadn’t been properly washed.

Went upstairs to the living room and ‘stuff’ had started to spill over into there, and was on both sofas.

It’s coming up for 10am and he’s still in bed.

[cruiser2]

Say you are going to get a skip deliverd on Monday to get rid of the rubbish which is accummulating in all the rooms.

It may cost you to start the ball rolling but it mught be the shock which is neede to get him to take action.

[meriad]

Normally I'd say give him whatfor etc etc..... but it's only one more day; you've got this!!!!

BUT; I'd lay down one ground rule re the move - ie EVERYTHING that is theirs is moved either into their new place or his bedroom (and his bedroom only) by the end of the weekend. Anything left in communal areas (ie landing / under stairs / spare room) is fair game for anyone to use until he comes to collect it or puts it into his bedroom. And make sure his washing moves out with him

tough love Jo, but needs must

hang in there x

[jenniren]

Jo I agree with Ria, if you're not firm you could find his stuff littering the house for months.

[JanB]

Oh, he is in for [i]such[/i] a learning curve

Agree with Ria, anything left by Monday - chuck it.

[victor]

You need to give him some tough love - home life and comforts has made him not realise what the real world is like.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

[JanB]

And I'd ask for his key or change the doors locks.

[Kaz]

Breathe Jo, it's almost done!

Reality bites, as Tom will soon discover

[saundra]

He has such a shock coming his way when he goes change lock and deep breath
Kids ugh
Have a xxhug

[Suff]

At least he fessed up and told you where he found the passport.

He will learn and as others have said, there really is a lot worse than a relatively selfish and disorganised child. Only a day.

You might want to document it all for "future reference".... Hard to teach organisation in packing and moving. It usually has to be experienced. In the Army we had MFO boxes when we moved. You screw the lid down and it gets sent where it is going. You know he's going to leave a whole load of stuff he will need later and come back for. Putting it somewhere that he will have to expend effort to get at might be a teaching example???