Funeral wishes

[meriad]

I ought to write it down, especially the bit about which photos are acceptable

Knowing Bb's sense of humour - not a bad idea

In South Africa, where my dad was buried, you only lease the plot for 25 years. After that you can either give it up or lease it for another 25 years. Given all of us, bar one brother, had moved away from the country my mom decided to not renew the lease. Instead the gravestone was removed (a lovely huge chunk of white granite that a friend of ours who worked in the building industry managed to get from a quarry all those years back) and my brother now has the stone and has reused it as a house number marker; the copper letters from the stone were removed and my mom has those and we took some soil from the grave and that's in a pretty Africa shaped glass jar which my mom has at home next to a picture of my dad and a candle.

When the time comes (hopefully not for a good while yet) then the sand will be put with my mom, the letters will be reused and mom and dad will be buried together

The cemeteries in Germany are amazingly well kept, like parks.

[Gal]

My father's grave is in the fairly local graveyard, but to be honest it doesn't mean that much to me. We pop in occasionally when driving by to keep the gravel weed free, but I don't really feel he is there.

I feel the same Osc. I don't have a grave to visit, as I said, and Tom doesn't visit his parents' anywhere near as much a she did in the past.

I always used to feel a bit odd whenever I saw my exH's dad's grave/headstone in our village churchyard....they shared their Christian name and to see exH's name on his late dad's headstone felt very strange!!

[TheOstrich]

Sorry to say, I've only visited my parents' grave the once, and never since my Mother's ashes were interred there. It's in Birmingham, so it's very unlikely I ever will.

I was interested in Kaz's remarks about Mick. I don't think in my case it's anything to do with processing grief, it's just that I don't feel the need to pay a visit there. Maybe it's because I'm male ... maybe it's because I didn't have that close a relationship with them - perhaps it may be perceived as being a bit callous, I don't know. I sort of feel I've moved on, and in any event, I can still remember them without needing to necessarily visit their grave.

[Osc]

I can still remember them without needing to necessarily visit their grave.

Exactly!

I have specified which photo to use too

[Kaz]

It's definitely unprocessed grief with Mick though Ossie, the one time, many years ago, that he took me up there he was so choked up he had to go and sit in the car

Like many of us here, I don't feel as though I need a special place, or indeed anything material to remember my parents - which is why I was quite happy to let my sister have the rose bush, and the tubes of ashes, in her garden. She gets comfort from it

[saundra]

I'm the same I don't ever go back home for my parents I can't get there now i have my memories the same with B I have no desire to move him out the wardrobe where else could I put him on the hearth the boys never ask he's just here at home with me