Vocal Voices

Oh my Lord!

We have gone from the wonder product Nothing, you know, Nothing acts faster... Nothing cures... Nothing cleans deeper, and so on, or "if you have this problem take this", to discussions about xyz.

"Bob, do stop fidgeting"
"Sorry love, it's me piles playing up, it's like having a ring of barbed wire covered in itching powder and soaked in chilli oil stuck up me bum"
"Well what you need is this clinically tested pile grease with anaesthetic, one blob on your finger give it a good rub in and you will be fine. Lasts for 12 hours"

Today I was having a cuppa and toast when up pop a couple of mums talking about wiping their bums and their children's bums. OK the stuff might be soft, strong and exceedingly long, with soothing Aloe Vera to boot, but we do not need a conversation with detailed instructions on how to use it.

Put me right of it did. Bring back the puppy is what I say.

I watch hardly any commercial TV so thankfully miss this

I used ad breaks for topping up the wine glass / get more nibbles / etc.... so I miss most as well But that did make me laugh Frank

I just love the party political broadcast gives me extra time to make a cuppa wash the pots and stuff most advert are rubbish anyway

It's the foot fungus/manky toenail ads that gross me out

Ladies, no subject seems exempt from these little 'discussions' - thrush, prostrate, incontinence, gum disease - it's open house.

My current shouty favourite is the young woman at the gym.... "Bum, hips and heart. I know how to keep my body healthy, but what about my mouth? My dentist says" and off they go about some toothpaste....It's like none of us have ever used toothpaste before and we need 'expert' help.

So I am sat there shouting RUBBISH! Brush with bicarb, sharp sand and fire ash three times a day followed by a gargle with neat Domestos.... it kills 99.99% all known germs you know. It's what granddad did and he had no teeth problems, but then he had no teeth.

I prolly need to get out more.

All us lady's need is a subject to discuss and away we go some adverts are better than programs

Have you seen those "infommercials" that you get on some of the more obscure channels? Usually with an American voiceover, going on and on for about 10 minutes, selling the joys of a memory foam mattress, or an exercise device?

I would reply to this, but sorry, I can't stop to talk to you guys because ….

"Someone's knockin' at the dawer, someone's ringin' the bell"

…. and if 'ee don' beggar off very soon, I'll 'ave to give 'im a piece of me mind.

Just do me a favour, Ossie, open the door and let them in.........