Vocal Voices

An MP has brought up issue of children and parents/guardians with different surnames travelling together.

She flags up situations where an adult with a child of a different surname have been humiliated" or being "under suspicion" or subject to questioning by "over-zealous" border staff. She said a "growing number of parents in the UK" found holidays being "blighted by confrontations that are both unnecessary and entirely avoidable".

Oh dear, another "victim me" after her 15 minutes of fame.

After my divorce I used to go to France camping with my children and a friend of each. There would be a car with one adult and four children with three different surnames. When the children were very young I always got stopped and asked to explain. it was no big deal.

The thing is that we supposedly have a problem with child trafficking and we have a duty to do something about it. If that upsets the feelings of a few snowflakes then so be it. If they do not like it they can always take staycations in cotton-wool land.

I knew someone who had trouble getting a passport for his wife, She had the same maiden name as her married name.
That was over 30 years ago Took nearly two months of phone calls and letters before it was issued.

Workingman wrote:The thing is that we supposedly have a problem with child trafficking and we have a duty to do something about it. If that upsets the feelings of a few snowflakes then so be it. If they do not like it they can always take staycations in cotton-wool land.

Mrs S had exactly this problem when travelling with two of our Grandchildren. The problem was that the border officer would not take a reasonable answer and started insisting that #1 Grandson tell her what his Grandmothers name was. To which #1 Grandson replied "Nana". Which he felt was quite reasonable. He was 9 at the time.

Mrs S was getting more and more agitated as the border officer was not taking that for an answer, when #2 Grandson (5 at the time) stuck his head between the front seats and said, with a smirk on his face, "I know what her name is" and promptly told her.

What the border officer didn't seem to realise is that we don't live with #1 Grandson and he only ever saw her in a family situation. I don't call her by her first name, I call her darling, the kids call her Mum (including the married in kids), so he had no chance. #2 Grandson used to live with us and was regularly there when visitors arrived calling Mrs S by her first name. As our daughter never married his father, he still had our surname. So he had no issue answering these questions but he was never asked because his name was the same.

I think that the border officer suddenly realised that the other child was a Grandson and decided to give it a rest at that point.

After this event, Mrs S, realising what the situation was, had our daughter write us a permission letter which could be produced at customs if required. However it's a moot point now as he's 22 and 6'4".

The main point here was the attitude. The border officer was aggressive, pushing and threatening. In a situation where it was absolutely 100% clear these children were not in the threat bracket, she acted as if they were. If she was not able to do her job, they should pull her back in for training. That will only happen if people complain.

I have travelled that border all my life. Things have changed and changed very much in the last 10 years. If you asked Mrs S about whether this woman should have complained, I'm guessing she would probably have supported her, having been in that situation. Mrs S is no shrinking violet and quite capable of giving as good as she gets. But when you have two children with you from two daughters, it changes your willingness to go on the attack with a border officer.

Yes, there were times when the border wonk had had a personality bypass, but then it came down to speaking v e r y s l o w l y and in words of one syllable. I could never ever claim that it blighted any holiday.

The sad thing is that there is child trafficking and we have to at least try to prevent it and if that means stopping adults with children where their surnames do not match then so be it.

Dunno about snowflakes Frank, but very abrupt questioning by a passport officer, in the middle of the night, can be quite alarming! It happened to me coming back through with Harry, on our way home from Cyprus. He's my son, and standing side by side you can see we are related

Kaz, been there, got the T-shirt.

Midnight ferry from Calais, no problem.

Dover.

"You all know each other?"
"Yes"
"Park over there, everybody out, empty the car"

A quick "search" of the car and a paperwork check and it was done.

"OK, you can go"

Did this "blight" the holiday? Did it hell.

These people are doing a difficult job to protect the vulnerable, they do not have to be nice, they will come up against all sorts of sh1ts. I have more confidence in them being suspicious and remote than if they were all "touchy, feely" and lax in what they are supposed to be doing.

Workingman wrote:These people are doing a difficult job to protect the vulnerable, they do not have to be nice, they will come up against all sorts of sh1ts. I have more confidence in them being suspicious and remote than if they were all "touchy, feely" and lax in what they are supposed to be doing.

I do too. But, also, remember, I do this every week or every other week. The relaxed professional attitude is going out of the window to be replaced by US style intransigence.

I never hassle anyone at security at the Airport, even though I see it weekly. I've also seen it the other way round. My boss here has a naturalised Indian father, Very British and married to a Norwegian wife. If he wants to take his children out of the country, he has a hell of a lot harder time than the rest of us.

As I said with Mrs S, she realised the problem and solved it for the future. No recriminations and no complaints. But the attitude of the border officer made it more difficult than it really needed to be. Only the intervention of a cheeky and very good looking 5 year old stopped the escalation. Not everyone
has that fortune.

So whilst I do agree that people need to be a lot more robust, personally, I also know that there are two sides to the story.

Suff wrote:

Workingman wrote:the border officer would not take a reasonable answer and started insisting that #1 Grandson tell her what his Grandmothers name was. To which #1 Grandson replied "Nana".

This has killed me!

Killed me too.

But I was expecting it. Knowing #1 Grandson who had very little interest outside of school and computer games at the time..

He knew my first name because his mother (my stepdaughter), uses it. Not much use to them though as I wasn't there.

The whole experience for her was uncomfortable as she felt vulnerable as the responsible parent for the kids and unsure as to whether they'd take #1 Grandson off her. She's not shy about Customs, one time she was asked "Do you have any weapons?". To which she replied "NO". Then she was asked "Do you have any guns of knives?". To which she replied. "As far as I know they are weapons" in an extremely sarcastic voice....