The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby TheOstrich » 27 Oct 2016, 18:53

I believe I missed reporting on last Saturday's epic ....

22/10 – After a few carefree weeks sampling random games, down to business today with the happy convergence of the two Southern League 1 (S&W) teams I needed to see to re-complete the division. The Raymond McEnhill Stadium opened in 1997 and I remember visiting it, with Master O in tow, back in that first season – the ground was very much a “work in progress” at that time, and doesn’t look a lot better today! A concrete, cavernous bar under the main stand, rather reminiscent of the one at Hinckley’s new-build Leicester Road stadium, could not exactly have been described as cosy .....
I took the fast road to Wilton, then into a choked Salisbury city centre, and out again on the A345 to Old Sarum, marking the location of Salisbury Rugby Club en route for future use! The Ostrich arrived ridiculously early, parked up, and decided to wander down the road to Old Sarum Airfield for a happy hour watching the activity. There's a museum there to the Boscombe Down Aviation Research Centre which I think helped pioneer early jet flight, and a memorial to the various WW2 squadrons which trained and were deployed from the base, light aircraft operating in the front line as Airborne Observation Posts for artillery. Fixed wing and biplanes were constantly landing and taking off from the grass strip, and at one point a small helicopter arrived and taxied (by hovering a couple of feet off the ground) to within 50 feet of me at the perimeter fence. There was also an "Airvan" departing every quarter of an hour or so taking small batches of skydivers up above the airfield and disgorging them, which only reinforced Ossie's view that you'll never get 'im up in one of they things. :shock: :lol:
Salisbury FC are another re-invented club working their way back up the leagues, a la Hereford, but they are only mid-table so far, not performing particularly well away from home, whilst Hereford are top of the same division. Barnstaple Town, the opposition, were newly promoted and playing at their highest ever level.
The home side needed a result today, and actually they looked a very good side indeed, taking the game to Barnstaple who did well to limit them to a single goal – a 24th minute penalty for handball – before the break. In the second half, however, the Devon side crumbled and Salisbury notched another 4 goals, three of them quite stunning strikes. I was much impressed by the quality of individual ball-skills on display today, way above what you’d expect at this level.
Return journey via Amesbury, the A303, and a fly-past of Stonehenge!
Southern 1 (South & West): Salisbury FC 5 Barnstaple Town 0
Admission £4, programme £2 (32pp, not a bad read), over-priced "gourmet" burger for £4.50 which was really pushing their luck (£6.50 if you had bacon and all the trimmings), attendance 621.
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Kaz » 28 Oct 2016, 07:32

I'm another who would never go up in one of those things either :shock: :? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Rather overpriced on the burgers :o :roll: :cute: :cute:
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Ally » 29 Oct 2016, 15:44

Kaz wrote:I'm another who would never go up in one of those things either :shock: :? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Rather overpriced on the burgers :o :roll: :cute: :cute:



I would. :lol: :lol:

I'm the eejit that would pay that for a burger as it's something I very rarely have and now I really, really want one. :lol:

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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Kaz » 29 Oct 2016, 16:50

Nahhh - that was very dear deer :P :oops: ;) :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby TheOstrich » 29 Oct 2016, 22:17

Speaking of deer ....

Mrs.O to local farm shop assistant:
“Sorry to bother you, do you have any venison products?”
“Venison? We got sausages. But we’ve had nothing else for 6 weeks now. *&%$£ deer are all still up in the woods. If they’d come down here, we’d be able to blast their heads off …..!!” :o :shock: :lol:

29/10 - The Ostrich decided on a fairly long-range journey today, prior to the clocks going back, so off to the Weyline Stadium, Grove Road, on the Isle of Portland. Even driving there more or less in a straight line using B roads took 2 hours - on reflection, straight line is not an easily recognisable concept when traversing Dorset, and there are numerous 30 mph stretches through the multitude of villages. Having got to Dorchester, I then got lost in the town (largely due to a complete absence of signposting :evil: ) and eventually found a cycle route marked Weymouth which was decidedly not the A354! Weymouth was busy, and I had forgotten how long it takes to traverse that town past the quay and then travel across the causeway to Portland, and climb up to the top of the zig-zag hill above Fortuneswell. I did in fact return in a “great circle” via the A354, A35 and Blandford Forum, trading better and faster roads for greater mileage - timing wise, nothing much in it.
The Isle of Portland is a rather unique environment, and if you've never been there, it's well worth a visit. The top of the Isle is characterised by scrub, windswept tussocks and random blocks of quarried stone scattered around, whilst the rows of terraced houses (old quarryman's' homes, I presume) are all in the traditional light-coloured stone. Portland United's ground, on the outskirts of Easton, is quite eccentric – an unusually lush grass pitch with a large number of “fairy rings” in it, and a stand behind one goal containing, in addition to rows of bench seating, 4 modern blue office reception chairs, 4 hardback wooden kitchen table chairs of varying antiquity, 2 garden benches (on one of which Ossie took residence in the second half), and a sculptured block of Portland stone actually seating two spectators. Climbing to the top of the grass bank at one side of the pitch, you could look over into the local quarry, and also spot ships out in the English Channel. 8-)
The match-day programme was quite a home-made tour-de-force, including an article on Iceland, various dubious jokes :? , a full page write-up on someone called Stuart Morgan who was the match ball sponsor, a complete rundown on this season’s results for next week’s opposition :shock: , a quiz, and numerous random footballing snippets totally unrelated to today’s match. All this for a bargain price of 80p - and they also handwrote the two teams, once known, onto a template of the middle pages, photocopied them off and stapled them into the programme before selling them – a brilliant ploy which I can't recall seeing in practice anywhere else.
The game (when it eventually got underway, the Lymington Town coach having suffered a puncture en route at Poole, and a replacement having to be rustled up), pitted 5th against 6th in the table, and was an entertaining affair from the start, very fast-paced and some very necessary last-ditch tackling in defence by both teams. Lymington led on 5m when Willett cut in from the wing and hit the ball home from 10 yards, Portland’s Carmichael equalised on 57m with a sharp downwards header from a corner, and the same player headed in a near-post flick-on by Buckler on 76m to give the home side the points. In between all that, Lymington’s keeper Lopez, apparently only 17yo, pulled off several stunning saves to keep his side in the game. On another day, faced with a less terrier-like defence, and with a little more luck in front of goal, Portland might have notched 4 or 5 goals.

I'll let the match-day programme have the last word:
"Bob was in trouble - he had forgotten his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry and told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds - and it had better be there!!
The next morning, Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window, and sure enough, there was a box (beautifully gift-wrapped) in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on a robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new set of bathroom scales.
Bob has been missing since Friday" :lol:

Wessex League Premier Division (Step 5): Portland United 2 Lymington Town 1
Admission £3, raffle £1; J2O, Pringles and DoubleDecker choc bar £3.50 (no hot food :| ), 60's Classics over the tannoy for the pre-game entertainment (Manfred Mann, The Animals, Freddie & The Dreamers etc.), attendance 154.
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Ally » 30 Oct 2016, 08:36

:lol: :lol: :lol: @ Bob.

Wot flavour Pringles Ossie? ;) :lol:

Thanks for a great read - I was chuckling away reading some of your report. :D :D :D

And great value match programme. :P
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Kaz » 30 Oct 2016, 09:47

I know the Weymouth/Portland area, Mick's middle brother lives in Weymouth :lol: Beautiful, but a nightmare to drive there, in fact the whole of Dorset is a nightmare as far as the roads are concerned :? :lol: Portland is stunning in a very bleak sort of way - which is unusual for Dorset - but bloody windy!! :shock: :lol:
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby TheOstrich » 30 Oct 2016, 17:54

Sour cream, Ally - I can't remember if it was the blue or the green tub now ...... :D

That pic definitely sums up Portland, Kaz, was it taken down at the lighthouse? I didn't get that far yesterday, the ground was north of Easton, about 1/4 mile down the road from the Portland Heights Hotel if you know it. Yes, Weymouth itself isn't the easiest place to drive around, but there seems to be a new fast road now down from Dorchester, cutting out that awful zigzag down the hill, bypassing Chickerell and running down the side of Radipole Lake more or less to the quay. I still wouldn't like to drive round there on a summer Saturday, though ..... :?

As for Dorset roads, near us at East Stour, the B3092 crosses the main A30 at a particularly nasty uncontrolled junction. Going straight across on the B3092 is not for the faint-hearted! However, my ancient Ordnance Survey map suggested there might be a back road through the village, which could be a useful "rat run". I drove down there to investigate - and came home with two jars of home-made pickled onions from a stall outside a house in the village!
Only in Dorset ... :lol:
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby Kaz » 30 Oct 2016, 19:11

My inlaws live at Radipole, so I know where you mean :roll: :lol:

Yes that was down by the lighthouse :) It was August and gorgeous and sunny down by the harbour but blowing a gale up there! :shock: :lol:
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Re: The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

Postby TheOstrich » 05 Nov 2016, 23:26

05/11 - At 11:45, the Ostrich announced “I’m going to either Chippenham, or Chippenham. If I go to Chippenham, I’ll be back by 6:00. On the other hand, if I go to Chippenham I’ll be back hopefully by 6:45…”
It’s all, you see, a question of sport! This time of the year, now the clocks have gone back, most rugby matches revert to an earlier kick-off time like 2:00, because most rugby clubs’ main pitches tend not to be floodlit – only the training pitches. On the other hand, soccer games above step 6 retain a 3:00 start (floodlights are a compulsory part of ground grading) and therefore finish that much later in darkness. So Chippenham RFC or Chippenham Town FC were the two possible choices - decisions, decisions! :D

In the end, the bird plumped for the rugby, as the Ostrich is still a bit unsure about travelling back through rural Wiltshire on unfamiliar roads in the dark. Firstly though, rather than take the most direct route into Wiltshire, the B3092, I opted for a more circuitous route via the B3095, through the Deverills, Warminster and Westbury. The problem with the B3092 is Stourhead, the National Trust property; this is the only access road. All this past week, they have been plugging the Autumn colours of the trees around the lake there – a picture in the Times, a mention on Radio 4. We decided to go last Tuesday, went early at 9:30, got in without a problem, walked the paths viewing the tremendous array of colours – vivid oranges, browns, reds and yellows – and left at 12:00, to find to our amazement a two mile queue of stationary traffic on the B road, trying the access the place :shock: . And the local word was: just at this time, avoid the B3092 in the daytime if you possibly can ....

Then there was a fair old amount of traffic through Melksham, so arrival at Chippenham wasn’t until 1:45 and as I knew where the rugby ground was – adjacent to the ring road – that became my preferred option. Mind you, adjacent to the ring road the rugby club might be, but to access it, I had to travel a further two miles round back roads (thankfully signposted) before I hit the entrance driveway. There were a couple of lads with a football hoofing around at the entrance to the car park – neither attempted to intercept me, so I drove straight in, parked, and as an afterthought wandered back and asked if they were taking admission. “Err, yes” was the rather shamefaced response! :oops:

Money paid, I meandered down to the clubhouse, where a rather raucous Vice Presidents’ Lunch was taking place. The kitchen was working flat out and no food appeared to be on offer to the plebs, so I fought the coffee machine and extracted an Americano before retiring to a comfy chair in the annex overlooking the pitch, thankfully just before somebody’s beer went flying with a loud crash amid hoots of laughter …. :roll:

The programme indicated a kick-off time of 2:45, but in the event, the main match got underway at 2:30 with the second team game on an adjacent pitch at 2:37. The Ostrich perched between the two pitches and was able to follow the action on both, thus counting (my rules!) both games in his statistical records. Chippenham’s first team were relegated out of the National leagues into the South West pyramid at the end of last season, and appear to be still in freefall, currently bottom of the South West 1 East league. Their opponents, Oxford Harlequins were next to bottom, so both teams needed a result! Oxford fielded a 20 stone monster at prop and although the hosts notched a relatively easy penalty on 6m, he bullied his way unstoppably over the line on 10m to give Oxford the lead. Chippenham replied with a converted try, but were struggling against a more positive and aggressive side, and it wasn’t a surprise that Oxford were leading 10-17 at half-time. And there the score remained. Oxford pegged Chippenham back inside their own half throughout the rest of the match and clung on stolidly for the victory. Chippenham’s woes were exemplified when with a couple of minutes remaining, they were awarded a penalty in a good position, tried a quick tapped ball – and made a complete and total hash of the play! A good victory for the Harlequins.

On the other pitch, Chippenham seconds were up against Royal Wootten Bassett seconds, who happily thumped them 20-43 in an entertaining game, in which the Chippenham side did their best and never gave up, but had too many defensive frailties.

I’d been aware of emergency vehicles racing down the ring road in the second half, and indeed, there’d been a traffic collision at the Notton traffic lights near Laycock, a few miles outside Chippenham on my journey home. It took a bit of time to get past the incident, but once beyond that, the remainder of the trip was uneventful, and back well in time for Strictly Come Dancing. 8-) :lol:

South West 1 East (Level 6): Chippenham RFC 10 Oxford Harlequins RFC 17
Dorset and Wilts 1 North (Level 8): Chippenham 2nds 20 Royal Wootten Bassett 2nds 43
Admission £3 including a 40pp glossy programme (not bad, despite all the advertising), coffee £1.50 and chocolate bars £1.60, attendance 114
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