Nevertheless, despite the snuffling, to Street, in Somerset on Wednesday for a visit to the Clarke’s Village Shopping Outlet. A pleasant journey on a lovely crisp morning. On arrival in the car-park, Mrs O, who is wise to these things, served Ossie with an ACBH (Anti Chocolate Behavioural Order)
, told him he was banned from approaching within 50 metres of Cadburys, Thorntons and Lindt, but otherwise could get lost for an hour or so whilst she hit Hamleys for Christmas presents for nieces and various footwear outlets for new boots. Grumbling, the bird sought out the Cornish Bakery and perched on a bench with a cup of coffee and a “Large Traditional” to ease his sorrows. Later in the week, now somewhat recovered, a quick scan of the fixture lists revealed that if Heybridge Swifts had thought they’d managed to avoid the Ostrich, well, they hadn’t.
In a rare opportunity in this neck of the woods to watch a team from Essex (apparently; I had to find Heybridge on a map - it’s sort of near Chelmsford) , luckily the FA Trophy - a national competition for non-league Step 1-4 clubs, with the final at Wembley - had paired them with Dorchester Town and brought them down to the Avenue Stadium today. My only previous visit to Dorchester’s relatively new-build stadium was just after it opened back in 1990, and today, like Weymouth’s new ground built around the same time, it looks a little bit in need of TLC. Back in those days, there was huge boom in building supermarkets across towns in this area, and often town-centre football clubs were targeted along the lines of “you give us your ground, we’ll build a shiny new stadium for you on the outskirts”. I remember this time well as hundreds of self-employed Paddy bricklayers swarmed into the area for the construction work, and in my previous life as an accountant, I had quite a lot on my books! In interviews, I was often defeated by the (mainly Northern Irish) accent, and occasionally had to use a workmate as an interpreter. They were all loveable rogues with little regard to Health & Safety; I remember one lost part of a finger when he left it under a brick hoist …..
Dorchester Town’s situation was slightly different in that their old ground was out-of-town anyway – it’s now a Tescos Superstore, and the new ground was built alongside it. The other thing is that both Tescos and new soccer ground are on Duchy of Cornwall land, so the architecture was more than somewhat influenced by Prince Charles, who apparently undertook a number of clandestine visits to keep an eye on progress
. I visited the Tescos - they had a local 4-part live harmony group ("The Decadettes" * ) performing old swing numbers near the entrance - and it has a large two-tier water feature in front of it with three fountains, and ornate clock towers, whilst Dorchester Town’s stadium has turrets in each corner (accommodating the loos and snack bars, as far as I could see). At the end of the day, it’s quite a utilitarian ground; main stand down one side, the other three sides terracing of which two are covered. It shares an entrance with the supermarket, and there’s adequate on-site parking for the football round the back.To the match, and Dorchester got off to the best of starts with a goal from Ormrod after 3m; a glancing header from a left-wing cross. After that, the game settled down into a fairly low-key affair with both teams rather hesitant on a pitch that already looked a little threadbare, goodness knows what it will be like next February. Ormrod blazed over from a good position, and Dorchester tended to do more of the attacking, but Heybridge’s Bantick put the ball wide after creating an excellent opportunity for himself by dummying defender Martin on 44m – it was possibly their first viable chance.
Into the second half, and the youngish referee started wielding the yellow card – 6 players were booked in total but it wasn’t a particularly niggly game. Heybridge’s Dark dinged one over the bar in a goalmouth melee on 62m, but otherwise the game continued to drift. If Heybridge’s game plan was to lull Dorchester into a false sense of complacency, it worked wonderfully
, as they executed a smash ‘n grab in the last 10 minutes to take the match. On 83m, Bantick drove the ball past the home keeper, and to be honest, we had seen it coming. Callender then scored the winner with a cross-shot into the far corner on 88m. Not the greatest of games, and Dorchester, to a certain extent, had no-one to blame but themselves …...FA Trophy 2nd Qualifying Round: Dorchester Town 1 Heybridge Swifts 2
Admission: £6, parking: £2; excellent 44pp programme: £2
Refreshments: None, I couldn’t afford any after buying the bear.
Bear: £15 (I had to reassure the elderly lady who I think had hand-knitted its woolly scarf and bobble-hat that it was going to a good home
).Attendance: 319
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn_-SYMHLcU
– inserting the word “somewhat” when just plain “dark and drizzly” would suffice. The gradable adverb is very British, intrinsically conveying that understatement which is one of our unfortunate but nevertheless national characteristic traits. It is told that during the Korean War, in the heat of a battle against the Communist Chinese on the Imjin River, an American officer behind the lines called up an allied British counterpart in the thick of the fighting and tersely asked how they were coping. Under intense fire, the Brit replied, “Well, it’s a bit sticky …..” The American completely misread the British understatement, took it to mean they were being pressured but were in fact coping, and didn’t send up reinforcements. As a result, many British soldiers were killed or captured that day ......
I’ve always liked the gradable adverb because it softens things, and this day and age when posting on the internet for example, you can’t be too careful and mustn’t be too dogmatic or the thought-police will get you! 
I intend to continue to use these rather useful adverbs, and hey, if you don’t like it, well, I’m sorry if you’re rather exasperated. 
, as I was saying, a grey day in Dorset which gave the Ostrich an incentive to stay local and check out one of the nearby junior venues. The Remembrance Field (aka Donhead Sports Club) lies just off the A30 Salisbury road, a couple of miles or so west of Shaftesbury. Just before the traffic lights at the top of Ludwell hill (where you will find quite a decent pub, the Grove Arms), turn right into a country road, signposted Charlton, and 100 yards down there on the right is Parhams Lane and the entrance to the sports field. It’s well signposted, and the club do have a “next fixture” board out on the A30 by the turning, although its match information is somewhat out of date, still advertising an upcoming fixture on 5th November …. 
); attendance: 10