Four Weddings and a Penalty Shootout

[Ally]

How lovely to have you back reporting Ossie! xx

I'm with you on the Man Engine - he does nothing for me.

Bakewell tart. Yummy yummy - and a custard tart is my dad's absolute favourite.

Great read as per usual and that spread did sound proper posh.

[Kaz]

Good to have you back reporting Ossie, although I must admit I read these posts more for the brilliant (ie spot-on) descriptions of West Country eccentricity than the sport

Man Engine?

[cromwell]

At 5-1 it sounds like Telephones might have to ring the changes for the next match. Backchatting to the ref? There's no call for that...

Well done on getting back in the saddle Os! Great report as ever.

[Kaz]

[TheOstrich]

14/04 - A slow week, with no real anecdotes to relate. Last Sunday, Mrs O made a huge tureen of butternut squash soup and we lived off that for the next 3 days or so . At least the weather has started to improve – but not for Ossie’s first match!

The bird was supposed to attend Wincanton Town vs Oldland Abbotonians on Tuesday evening, but rain during the previous night put paid to this, the Winkies ground being notoriously muddy. One increasing hazard this season has been clubs, desperate to get fixtures played, opting to switch their games at the last minute to the away side’s stadium, and there was indeed a hint that this Wincanton fixture might have been played in Bristol, but in the event, Oldland Abbotonian’s ground was also waterlogged!

However, the Abbotonians did not remain out of the Ostrich’s clutches for long, as they were also due to play at Warminster Town on Thursday - some clubs now need to play twice in midweek to catch up their fixture backlogs – so it was off to Westbury Street for the bird’s first ever visit. Getting to Warminster involves going up and over White Sheet Hill, and dropping down through the series of small villages known as the Deverills. On top of the hill, I could see mist lurking ominously in the valleys, but the Deverills seemed clear, and I was treated to the sight of several very young lambs, out with their sires, gambolling in a roadside field.

I drove into Warminster Town’s tiny and cramped car park, and gingerly manoeuvred into what appeared to be the last available space. A gentleman in a VW roared up behind me and started to conduct a 15 point manoeuvre to turn around, without success, and noticing that he was becoming rather puce in the face , I thought discretion the best part of valour so I motioned him to calm down and stop, and then drove myself back out the car park, thus giving him the room he needed to turn. I decided to park in the road outside, as he did. Later, minding my own business in the clubhouse, I saw the three match officials striding purposefully towards the entrance to the changing rooms. One suddenly eyeballed me:

“Groundhopper?” he demanded.
I blinked and confessed, yes, I was. I recognised him as the puce gentleman!
“Thought so. Nobody who has ever been here before EVER attempts to park in that car park! ”

It’s quite a nice clubhouse and has a veranda overlooking the pitch; on it are 50 red bucket seats, all in a single line – sit on one and you can rest your nose on the pitchside railing . By the entrance there’s another long, low-slung building which houses the tea hut, the turnstile, and the Warminster Flying Club (pigeons, not aircraft). Behind the goal line is a small rickety covered standing area that looks like it would take off in any substantial gale . Four floodlights admirably lit up the corners of the pitch but left midfield somewhat in gloom, especially as we now had encroaching fog rising up the hill from the town – something which concerned me - but thankfully it lifted a bit in the second half.

For a side rock bottom of the table, Warminster played quite well, and an entertaining but goalless first half saw both keepers in action. The home side took the lead on 60m when Blakeman glided in a header, but Oldland equalised with a speculative 30 yarder from Lecrass 10 minutes later. Before the game could restart, Oldland’s Parker (I think it was) suddenly collapsed in the middle of the park and had to be resuscitated and stretchered off – the consensus seemed to be that it was a case of delayed concussion after he’d been hit hard by the ball earlier in the game.

Both teams went for the winning goal, numerous near misses and some excellent saves from the keepers, but Oldland won it with two goals deep into the 9 minutes of added time, first a soft penalty scored by Walters after Gale had been brought down by Taylor on the edge of the area – dark mutterings around me that the Oldland striker had been “looking for it” – and then virtually from the restart a solo effort from Gale, pretty much unchallenged by the Warminster defence. Final score 1-3 and that’s 10 defeats on the bounce for Warminster now; they look doomed to return to the County Leagues next season. Still, a decent tray of chips for a quid .

Interesting to note that Warminster’s “utility player”, one Stewart Lisowski, has this season worn the number 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, and 11 shirts, as well as playing 9 games in goal!

A rather nasty late night drive back to Dorset through quite thick fog on top of White Sheet Hill. Luckily I know the road by now and it is pretty straight, but an unpleasant journey nevertheless.

To Saturday, and the Ostrich sacrificed his usual tinned haggis and plum tomatoes in favour of a visit to Poppins down in the town – a local café chain which some of you living in the south / south east may well know. The bird partook of a Vegetarian Breakfast (fried egg, fried slice, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans and a “vegegrill”, the constituent parts of which are rather difficult to describe ! A reasonable £6.60 with a coffee. Then a meander by car up to Frome, stopping off halfway, as I had plenty of time, to visit Alfred’s Tower, which lies on the outskirts of the National Trust’s Stourhead Estate.

This local landmark is a very impressive 18th century folly. It’s 131 feet high, and there is a viewing platform on the top reached by a spiral staircase of either 162 or 205 steps, depending on which account you read. Not that I could ascertain which anyway, because the Tower itself was closed today. The car park was swarming with classic motorbike enthusiasts, including some club from the Netherlands. A very interesting selection of machines, including a couple of vintage three-wheeler cars, the sort of vehicles in which both fashion and necessity dictates you’d wear a flat cap and goggles.

Wiki picture here:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Cate ... 044897.jpg

Well, when writing these footie reports for you guys, I usually try to be upbeat and concentrate on the better aspects of the match-day experience, but quite honestly I’m struggling to find anything positive to say about today’s horror fest at Berkley Road. The game was pretty robust from the start, and after 5 minutes or so I was mentally predicting there would be goals, but also at least 6 bookings. The final count was 8 yellow and 1 red.

We had a reasonably even and entertaining first 20 minutes or so, but after Frome had taken the lead through Ryan Bath’s direct run and strong finish (24m), the home side pretty much pegged Farnborough back in their own half, and by half-time, the game had become decidedly scrappy. After the interval, it just got worse, exacerbated – and both sides were guilty of this – more play-acting than you’d see at the Bristol Old Vic.

The first booking, for Farnborough’s Fernandes, had come after 43m when there was an incident which left the home keeper on his knees, and there was a rerun between the same two players on the hour mark, the referee taking no action after consulting the linesman. Calcutt equalised for the away side on 64m, getting round the defence on the right for an easy finish, and after that it was downhill all the way, with the challenges and tackles flying in. Frome’s lone striker, Page, in particular was having a torrid afternoon, and in forward run laid out two defenders - which rightly earned him a booking.

The culmination came when a rank bad tackle sparked a 15 man melee. When the dust had settled, the referee booked two from each side, including Page who got the early bath. 10 minutes of stoppage time failed to get anywhere near breaking the deadlock, and so ended an awful game that will leave me seriously contemplating the rugby union fixtures for next Saturday.

Still, on a positive note, at least it was a warm, sunny afternoon ……

Evo-stik League South – Premier Division (Step 3): Frome Town 1 Farnborough 1
Admission: £7, raffle: £1 (I came within 6 tickets of a £15 second prize ), decent programme: £2, refreshments: bacon burger £3 – hot food is served from a table just inside the function room in the clubhouse, J20 and cheese ‘n onion crisps £3.10 from the bar, attendance: 211.

[miasmum]

two things really made me laugh in that report, The Eco-Stick league and The Winkies

[Kaz]

Same!

[cromwell]

10 defeats on the bounce for Warminster now; they look doomed to return to the County Leagues next season. Still, a decent tray of chips for a quid .

I always think things like this should be weighed in the balance when deciding promotion and relegation. A decent tray of chips should be worth an easy five points, imo.

A very interesting selection of machines, including a couple of vintage three-wheeler cars, the sort of vehicles in which both fashion and necessity dictates you’d wear a flat cap and goggles.

You would look very fetching in this get up Os!

(I think Whitby are in the Evo Stick league North, btw).

[Kaz]

Are they stuck at the bottom though Crommers? Ee by gum!

[TheOstrich]

Yes, they're 20th in the table, but not in any danger of relegation. So it certainly seems as if they're a fixture in that league .....