Ostrich on the Hoof

[Kaz]

Great stuff, you are one intrepid burd, our Ossie!

[TheOstrich]

Not the best of weeks. My S received some rather disturbing news - blood tests show that she needs to be monitored for myeloma, which is a form of bone cancer. She does not have it yet as such; she has no visible symptoms, but there seem to be “indicators” present. Nothing can be done at the moment; it’s just a question of wait and see how things progress.

At the same time, Mrs O’s annual health check revealed her blood sugar levels are just one point off being classified Type 2 diabetic! “You’re lucky,” I said, “you’ve narrowly avoided an appointment with the diabetic nurse and being given The Lecture!” Still, we now both have an incentive to diet and lose the poundage, so we shall be good company for each other. No more KitKats, no more cheese, no more apricot jam on toast ….

And today – yet another storm. We’ve had Ciara, Dennis and Ellen – I was expecting this one to be Frank, but apparently the Spanish Met Office got in first and named it Jorge, on the grounds that nobody in the UK knows how to properly pronounce it. I believe it is something like “Haw-hee” or “Hee-haw” or even possibly “Huawei”. Whatever. But these storms, cropping up every weekend, they’re becoming a pain in the neck.

Plan A today was Radstock Town FC. That game got cancelled Friday night, and Radstock’s Twitter feed indicated that they were seriously considering making an application to the Bristol and West Water Polo League, which tells you everything you need to know about the state of their pitch. Plan B was the local rugby club’s second XV game against East Dorset RFC, but I couldn’t get any social media confirmation that it was on. Last time I rocked up there, I found the opposition had failed to raise a team, leaving me under 10 minutes to get across town to the soccer ground, and it looked like being a repeat scenario today – until I found out, around 11:00 this morning, that the soccer team, Gill Dons, had switched their home game to the artificial 3G pitch at Blandford School! Excellent – a confirmed “Game On” and a new ground to visit!

There are very few artificial pitches in Dorset – only 4 full-size ones as far as I can see. Three are on the south coast – at Slades Park, Bournemouth, the Dorset FA headquarters at Hamworthy, and Dorchester Town FC’s ground. And then there’s Blandford. This pitch was opened in 2015 by Marieanne Spacey (retired Arsenal, Fulham and England striker – 91 caps - and no, I’d never heard of her either ). If I am reading the Football Foundation article about it correctly, it seems to have cost something just over £800,000 to install which is a phenomenal sum , although I think this may have involved associated landscaping and other works, and a BBC article dating from that time says the average cost of a full-size artificial pitch was around £500,000 anyway. The floodlights were another £70,000. Blandford’s pitch was inevitably "funded" by grants from the FA and also from the County Council - which explains why my rates are so high.

Driving through town to get out on the Shaftesbury road, I was horrified to see that the rivers had well overflowed their banks – we must have had a lot of rain last night. Still, the flood plains were doing their bit – huge lakes of water - and no actual property appeared under threat. As a precaution, I took the “top” road from Shaftesbury to Blandford, rather than the main A350 which has a number of trouble spots in wet weather.

Having parked up at Blandford School next to the Leisure Centre, I wandered off to find the 3G pitch and whilst I could see it, I seemed to be caught in some sort of Crystal Maze of dead-end pathways and high wire fencing preventing access to it. So I trundled back to the Leisure Centre.

“How do I get to the soccer pitch?”
“Not from here.”
“Oh!”
“You need The Other Entrance …… ”

Which turned out to be half a mile awa,y back down the road I'd come along, and even then I had some difficulty navigating through the school campus and was relieved to eventually spot the Gill Dons’ goalkeeper who pointed me in the right direction.

So what do you get for your £800k – well, not a lot. The pitch in a wire mesh cage, a bit of hardstanding down one side for spectators, and a gurt big shipping container for the sports / maintenance equipment. Nothing else, and crucially - no shelter as I eyeballed a very ominous black cloud growing on the horizon. There was also a bone-chilling sou-westerly gale sweeping across the pitch – strong enough to rock my car when I’d parked up at the school.

We got underway and Wareham got the early break, a quick through ball to their no.17 enabling him to lob the Gill Dons keeper. Wareham looked the better side on balance but there’d been no further score when, on the 20m mark, the heavens opened and we had the Mother of all Hailstorms. We spectators took the only option open to us – we flattened ourselves round the back of the equipment container which was the only place we could find any form of shelter! When we emerged 10 minutes later, the ground was white, the wind was howling, and the game still in progress. And then it hailed again!

At half-time, a drenched, bedraggled and shivering Ossie made it into the foyer of the changing rooms along with the teams and the rest of the spectators. Within 5 minutes, the wind had becalmed and the sun was out!

Dons then notched two goals in two minutes, both scored by their no.14. He poached the first goal, managing lunging at a cross and deflecting the ball into the roof of the net, whilst the second goal was a run through the middle, brushing off a couple of defenders on the way. With Wareham now seeking an equaliser, things got a bit heated, and the game finished with a couple of controversies. Firstly the Wareham manager was yellow carded for dissent, promptly said something further the referee, and was shown a red. All he then did was walk from one side of the pitch to the other, and joined us spectators on the hardstanding! And then the referee, completely unaccountably, played 7 minutes extra time. There had been one minor stoppage and no second half substitutions so where this came from, I have no idea. And Wareham bundled in that equaliser in the 95th minute ……

29/02/20: Dorset Senior League Division 1 (Step 9). Gill Dons 2 Wareham Rangers Reserves 2
Admission free, no programme
Refreshments: a KitKat from the Leisure Centre £1
Attendance: 15, wet and frozen ....

[Kaz]

Hor-gay? Ally will tell us

I think the whole of the SW is pretty soggy Ossie Several local rugby pitches here underwater

Very sorry to hear about your sister, that's a worry, and my very best to H. Mick's in a similar situation with blood sugars, although not quite - yet!

[cromwell]

I keep saying it Ossie, but you are nails.
I'm well past standing outside getting wet through and frozen, for any sport!
Great read and I hope you have recovered from your drenching.

[TheOstrich]

Not so much nails, more bleddy mad

All I can say is crammed behind a shipping container with 15 other blokes all muttering "What the hell am I doing here?" is an interesting exercise in male bonding!

Tell Mick he's got to lose at least a stone, Kaz!!

[Kaz]

He knows it Ossie! I'll have to hide his plain chocolate digestives

[Ally]

Hor-gay? Ally will tell us

I think the whole of the SW is pretty soggy Ossie Several local rugby pitches here underwater

Very sorry to hear about your sister, that's a worry, and my very best to H. Mick's in a similar situation with blood sugars, although not quite - yet!

Almost there Kaz .

Hor-kay. Heavy on the Hor. :lol

Best wishes for all concerned Ossie. xxx

[Kaz]

Cheers, Teach

[TheOstrich]

A profitable week spent re-feathering the Nest. When we bought our bungalow back in 2016, we were well aware that the interior décor and furnishings were as originally installed back when the property was built in the ‘80s. Accordingly, we have a rolling programme of updating things as and when funds allow, and we started, by necessity with the bathroom and the kitchen. Just like HS2, the completion date keeps on getting put back (and costs keep spiralling upwards ) but this year, our first project for 2020 has been more or less a complete recarpeting, the existing one being in places, well, threadbare .

The carpet fitters from the local store arrived on Wednesday to complete the first three of the five rooms involved, and prior to that we’d been round the house and shifted as much crockery, knick-knacks and small furniture as possible into the garage; some of the larger stuff we then put into the two rooms that weren’t being done. Wednesday night, in preparation for their return to complete the job on Thursday, we had to move all the large stuff out of those two rooms into the rooms that had been newly carpeted. And then on Thursday night, after they’d gone, we had to return everything back to its original place. We finished up completely knackered. Talk about Willie Shiftit ……
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzEBLa3PPk

The new carpet is fine. Just one problem, though. Sir Oswald Ostrich, CEO of Ostrich Holdings, attempted his usual wheelie in his swiveling office chair in the newly-carpeted study, and thanks to the new lush pile, the chair promptly stuck and Sir Oswald all but finished up in a heap on the floor!

Today, I started out trip out of town down the road to Stour Provost to see Shaftesbury Town Colts. However when I arrived at their ground, the recreation field car park was still gated and the nets weren’t up, so it’s quite possible that game was actually played somewhere else - the FA FullTime results service is showing it as a 3-0 home win. Social media is only as good as the people willing to post on it, and there does seem to be an increasing “lack of information” about local games, which at times can be rather frustrating …..

I had a Plan B up my sleeve, so journeyed onwards to Stalbridge. Passing through the countryside, it’s evident there’s still a huge amount of standing water around where the River Stour has overflowed its banks in the past weeks, and I spotted a flock of around half-a-dozen white egrets in a waterlogged field next to the river near Marnhull. Arriving at Stalbridge, my first task was to visit Dike’s – famous in the area and proudly proclaiming itself as the “UK Independent Retailer of the Year 2018” and (in smaller print) the “Convenience Drinks Retailer of the Year 2019”, whatever exactly that might mean . That said, it is an excellent, well-stocked store - and judging by the amount of hand sanitiser on the shelves, panic buying hasn’t reached this remote part of Dorset yet! With upcoming self-isolation in mind, as well as just the one hand sanitiser (I’m not stockpiling at their prices ) I bought a couple of paperbacks, a book of crossword puzzles, six Pot Noodles and a large jar of prunes in syrup.

Then onwards to the soccer ground. This lies high up on the south-eastern edge of the village, and once you’ve walked the muddy 200 yards from the changing rooms by the entrance gate (I’d hesitate to call it a clubhouse) up to the pitch on the very top of the hill, you’re rewarded with magnificent views overlooking Purse Caundle and Kings Stag, and down gently sloping grasslands to some of the more remote, hidden farms of the Blackmore Vale. I remember when I first visited here at the end of last season, I lounged on the grass in shirtsleeves and blistering heat, thinking how idyllic it was, and how it could be, perhaps, a bit of an exposed spot in winter. That thought came back to me with a vengeance today as I climbed the hill into the teeth of a howling sou-westerly gale that left the corner flags flying horizontally in the wind, and me shivering even with five thermal layers on. Well at least it didn’t rain, and I did get a warm welcome from the referee, who was the same official as at last week’s match at Blandford, and recognized me on the touchline!

In the circumstances, it was a pretty good game. The wind created havoc – crosses into the centre were a complete lottery, often swerving and falling behind the onrushing attackers. Numerous corners hit the side netting or went flying behind the goal. Visiting Sturminster Marshall looked the more dangerous side generally, and took the lead on 13m, their no.11 finding the space and time to stroke the ball in from around 10 yards.

Tempers got a bit frayed after the interval , one player from each side being booked following a tussle, and then the home side equalised on 65m, their centre-forward sliding the ball in from close range after a defender had failed to cut out a cross. Straight after this, a Stalbridge defender was sin-binned, but the home side held on and slightly fortuitously won the match on 83m when a wind-assisted long-range lob found the far corner of the net. Sturminster Marshall very nearly conceded a third in the final stages, but their keeper managed to palm a close-range header over the bar.

These two teams were both promoted from Division 1 to the Senior League last season, and both are in the upper reaches of what is looking like a very tight league this year – only 8 points between the top 8 teams! However, here we are in March and due to the weather some clubs have only completed half their fixtures to date , so there’s plenty of scope for twists and turns between now and (theoretically) the end of April.

07/03/20: Dorset Senior League (Step 8). Stalbridge 2 Sturminster Marshall 1
Admission free, no programme
Refreshments: a Dorset ham and home-made coleslaw on white from Dikes £2.89
Attendance: 12

[Ally]

Great read Ossie.

It's funny reading about carpets....in a country where they just don't exist (tiles and marble flooring being the option) I'm taken back to a memory of having new carpets fitted oh gosh, 30+ years ago, and the blokes bringing them in like big trussed up tree trunks. I remember loving the smell.

I've re-read your post from last week and realise I'm not actually sure about the different types of diabetes.

Look forward to your next footy tale Ossie.