2) I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil.
3) Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch.
4) How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.
5) Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue.
6) Why don't Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong.
7) Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o.
8) Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked.
9) Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh.
10) What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce.
Don't blame me I didn't pick them, Sky did.
