The Chronicles of Ostrick ....

[Ally]

What a thoroughly entertaining read that was Ossie! Brilliant!

Loved the last bit about no histrionics - unlike a load of the eejits that play in much higher leagues.

Football is so geared towards all the higher leagues, big money games that one forgets about the day to day struggle many lower teams have.

[cromwell]

An 18 stone midfielder?! Blimey, you don't see too many of them about. Great report Os, as usual.

[miasmum]

Weymouth’s twin strikers looked jaded (I shall have to be careful what I say to Julie in the Co-op when I pick up this weeks’ footie papers tomorrow, as she’s the mother of one of them … ).

That confused me I thought how can she be the mother of just one of them. Then realised you meant metaphorical twins

[TheOstrich]

LOL, Julie is the mom of two footballing brothers, Ben (striker for Weymouth, coming back from a spell of injury) and Nick (midfielder for Gillingham Town, fairly regular performer), both of whom I saw play during last week!

That midfielder, Crommers, well if I'm 15st he had to be 18st at least .... but he played well, some deft one touch passes, and not afraid to get forward either and give the ball a bit of wellie ....

Ally, the difference in approach to the game between the Step 3 Southern League players (they'll be on a small wage) and the Step 6 Wessex League players (younger and very unlikely to be on a wage) was very noticeable, seeing one game straight after the other .....

[TheOstrich]

04/03 – continuing my pursuit of Wessex League clubs battling with the drop, today it was off to the south again, this time to catch a game featuring Hythe and Dibden FC. Christchurch play at the Hurn Bridge Sports Centre, which isn’t really in Christchurch, it's located just a couple of miles or so from a ground I’ve previously visited, Bournemouth RFC, the two venues being neatly separated by the length of the main runway of Bournemouth (Hurn) Airport.

The route I travelled last December to watch the rugby, via Blandford and Wimborne, wasn’t the easiest drive, so today I thought I’d try an alternative, travelling the country way over the Cranborne Chase and then via Verwood and Ringwood. I made reasonable time to the hamlet of Tollard Royal, but hit an unexpected traffic jam with the road blocked by cars trying to turn into the already full and overflowing carpark of the “King John” pub. Having managed to inch my way past that, I got out of the 20mph zone in the village only to find a group of cyclists in front of me. Eventually I overtook them only to find another group a bit further on. Rounding a bend, I looked in front of me up the hill at Minchington Down – and there were scores of the beggars all puffing their way up it! Cyclists everywhere … in single file, riding two abreast, in farm gates unpacking their saddlebags, performing stretching exercises against telegraph poles, clambering out of ditches, repairing roadside punctures – I even passed one poor bloke standing on the wrong side of the road clutching a single bicycle wheel … where the rest of his mount was, I have no idea ! Must have been a hundred of ‘em all told – and I had to get past the lot of them, all this on a ruddy bendy B-road. And this went on for 8 flippin’ miles – all the way across the A354 roundabout and on to the road down into Cranborne village, where thankfully they were turning off. I passed through the narrow 20mph zone at Sixpenny Handley following a buxom lass who was freewheeling it down the hill swigging from her water bottle! I was either motoring at 6 mph in the gutter or 60 mph on the wrong side of the road trying to overtake them – unbelievable!!

Nerves suitably frayed, I arrived at the Hurn Bridge Sports Centre, parked up, and wandered into the well-appointed bar. I don’t know if Jo was at Old Trafford today, but Manchester United v Bournemouth was being shown live and I must confess to a small air-punch when Boruc saved Ibramowhatsis’s second half penalty. The rest of the clientele in the function room, needless to say given my location, went wild …..

Paid my admission and discovered I’d been very fortunate – the ground had just passed two pitch inspections that morning, the final one taking place whilst I was holed up in the clubhouse ! The pitch looked OK, but it was certainly soggy after the recent rain; the ground staff were darkly muttering that today’s game should have been called off, but thankfully the match referee overruled them and the game went ahead. The pitch did cut up a bit, but not to the extent that play was affected.

The game pitted 5th placed Christchurch against a Hythe & Dibden side firmly in the bottom four, and some way adrift of the next team up the ladder, Folland Sports, who we met last week at Weymouth. On paper, a banker home win. The teams were led out by the Christchurch Under 9’s side, who I’d previously encountered eating chips in the bar, being minded by three or four frazzled adults; it was a bit like herding cats . The ground is in a beautiful setting, surrounded on three sides by the tall conifers of one of the western outposts of the New Forest. During the first half, one wayward shot at goal skied over the protective netting and disappeared into the dark, forbidding woodland, so the Under 9’s promptly hared after it – frantic attempts to round them all up were still going on at half-time!

The match itself didn’t quite follow the form book. Christchurch had the bulk of possession but displayed an inability to convert chances (or as their goalie audibly put it at one stage: “Cannot we just GET THE $£%&% BALL IN?” ); at the other end, Hythe kept the said home keeper reasonably busy. Perusal of the programme confirmed my worst fears – Christchurch hadn’t featured in a goal-less draw so far this season …. and so it was to be. Honours even; a good point for Hythe in their relegation battle and they might even have nicked all three with a bit of luck. Possibly not the most memorable of matches, but entertaining enough.

Wessex League Division 1 (Step 6): Christchurch 0 Hythe & Dibden 0
Admission £3, an excellent 32pp programme rammed with facts, figures and articles £1.50, apple & mango J2O and cheese ‘n onion crisps (Walkers) from the bar £2.85, bacon butty (2 rashers) and minestrone cuppasoup from the tea hut £3.65, attendance 92.

[Ally]

Great read Ossie!

I'm in the mood now for a bacon butty - it'll have more than two slices in it though!

Not sure you'd like living in my area - it's a haven for mountain cyclists. I don't mind them when I'm out driving but David loathes them...his reaction and language make me laugh out loud!

[Kaz]

Local tea s play footie on the field opposite us, but not for a few weeks as the rain has turned it into a quagmire

Sounds like you hit some sort of cycle race there Ossie! We hit a 10k road running race last Sunday, between Virginia Water and Thorpe

[cromwell]

Oh gosh, that description of the under 9's brought back some memories. All running round the field, surrounding the ball... half the time you could have thrown a blanket on the field and it would have covered both teams bar the goalies!

Cyclists! Cyclists everywhere! It's probably for the best that it was 0-0 Ossie, after your journey to the ground an exciting high scoring match wouldn't have helped your jangling nerves!

[TheOstrich]

11/03 – to complete my pursuit of the five Wessex League clubs battling with the drop, a trip today to Downton, which contrary to popular belief does not have an Abbey . It’s a large village straddling the A338 between Fordingbridge and Salisbury, so I travelled out via the former and back via the latter; I don’t think I’ve visited Fordingbridge before, wot is in Hampshire (just). I didn’t gain much of an impression of it as I was too busy weaving in and out of nefariously parked cars ....

To get to Fordingbridge, it was necessary to travel the by now well-worn route over the Cranborne Chase and via Tollard Royal and Sixpenny Handley. My S has been staying with us, and on Friday morning, I had taken her up the Chase to the National Trust car park at Win Green, and launched into my usual spiel of “ …. and over there, you’ll find the beech trees which mark the highest point in Dorset, and down there by the large white building is Wardour Castle, and over there, on the horizon, you can if you’re lucky glimpse the English Channel ….” She was, however, somewhat unimpressed - largely because we were firmly ensconced in low cloud at the time, and rather than viewing a scenic vista, you couldn’t see more than 5 yards in front of your face!

Descending into Tollard Royal today, I recalled last week’s debacle with the cyclists. None in sight, so I breathed a sigh of relief, only to turn a corner and be confronted with a large yellow sign saying “Runners in Road” !! However, two burly marshals waved me onwards, and I never did see any athletes, so I guess I must have beaten them to the cut! There was quite a large contingent of motorbikers coming the other way, but I didn’t see any of them wearing a kilt, so I assume Suff must have outpaced them or fallen off somewhere backalong.

The Brian Whitehead Sports Centre consists of two large corrugated-sheet warehouse-style buildings, three tennis hard courts, and the soccer pitch, which boasted a low stand with bench seating. There was a newish housing development alongside, and evidence of further new homes going up in the village; I suspect it is commuter-belt Salisbury. There were tall fir trees behind both goals, which was a godsend as Downton’s shooting was erratic, to put it mildly ! Yet another team nicknamed “The Robins”, Downton were firmly mid-table but smarting from a rather embarrassing 4-0 defeat at Holt Spurs midweek. The visitors, East Cowes Victoria Athletic FC, (the Vics) were formed in 1885 and have the longest name registered with the English FA. The Victoria bit relates to the fact that their ground is owned by the Crown Estate, being close to Osborne House. They spent their first 30 years just playing on the Isle of Wight, including completing for the Isle of Wight Senior Gold Cup, the trophy for which is reputedly the most valuable in the world – because it is actually made of solid gold ! There is a drawback to winning this Cup, apparently – you have to insure it for the annual presentation night at which you receive it, and then it has to go straight back into a bank vault!

The Vics are 19th in the league but potentially bottom as they’ve played two games more than both the teams beneath them. Ossie was somewhat concerned that like last week, this was going to be another goal-less draw, but within the first two minutes, Downton’s McGregor had steered a good chance wide of the far post, whilst at the other end, Downton’s keeper Aldridge made a point blank save after his defence had totally failed to cut out a deep cross. After 7m, Downton’s Bentall launched a massive 35 yarder towards the net which completely caught the Vics keeper by surprise, and soared over him into the back of the net. By half-time, Downton were 3-0 up, Bentall tapping a cross home through the keeper’s legs before Thomas controlled the ball well prior to lifting it over the hapless goalie for the third.

At half-time, Vics substituted their keeper, with one of their defenders taking his place. I gathered that the aforementioned hapless custodian was their reserve keeper anyway, and possibly wasn’t match fit. East Cowes went for a damage limitation job after that and managed to get away with only conceding two more goals. A fair result, but Downton could have scored a hatful of additional goals if they’d been more accurate up front.

Wessex League Division 1 (Step 6): Downton 5 East Cowes Victoria 0
Admission £3, an excellent 32pp programme rammed with facts, figures and articles £1 (and if you thought I said that last week regarding Christchurch’s programme, you’d be right, because judging by the format and content, they must use the same publisher!), apple & mango J2O from the bar £2.00, excellent meaty beef burger and minestrone cuppasoup from the tea hut a bargain £2.80, attendance a disappointing 29.

[Ally]

Great read Ossie and I like imagining what these lovely sounding places look like.

Only 29 at the game? Do they print a load of programmes that then don't get sold? I wonder what happens to them.

Thanks for this week's report Ossie.