It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

[Kaz]

[TheOstrich]

15/12 – LOL @ Crommers .... Interestingly, none of the three Blandford soccer and rugby clubs use “Forum” and it’s not really used much publicly either these days . In the same way, Wimborne seems to have dropped the “Minster” bit from its name. But elsewhere in Dorset, the double-barrel reigns supreme.

I think it is fair to say that you can pair any two words from the following list and arrive at a viable name for a Dorset village!

Abbas
Ansty
Bingham
Buckland
Crichel
Fifehead
Gussage
Hinton
Holme
Lytchett
Matravers
Melbury
Melcombe
Monkton
Steepleton
Tarrant
Tolland
Waterston
Winterborne
Worth

So, not only is there a Melcombe Bingham, but just a mile down the road from it, there’s Bingham’s Melcombe! - which is not half confusing when you’re trying to navigate through the backroads to the Fox pub at Ansty, as we found out last summer …..

And score 10 bonus points if you manage to get a “St.” into the middle of your village name.

As for the footie, on a foul and filthy day today, with heavy rain and strong winds, I set out for Shepton Mallet vs Buckland Athletic but the condition of the roads outside Gillingham, which were beginning to flood, rapidly put paid to that notion (I thus missed a 7-2 scoreline! ), and I headed up to North Dorset RFC just outside the town at Slaughtergate to see if their scheduled game was on. It was, although not on the main pitch in front of the clubhouse but on pitch 3 over to one side by the car park, which with a slight slope has a reputation as a good drainer, and looked in fine fettle.

Ellingham & Ringwood RFC (the club is based in Ringwood itself) are a bit of an anomaly with the first team playing in the London & SE pyramid of the rugby union structure - but the second and thirds play in the SW pyramid Dorset & Wilts leagues. Ellingham itself is a small village north of Ringwood It is mostly famous for Alice Lisle, who was caught hiding fugitives following the Battle of Sedgemoor in 1685 and executed by authority of the infamous Judge Jeffries, whilst Ringwood’s sole claim to fame is that it was the filming location for the sports centre in "The Brittas Empire"!

North Dorset RFC have had recruitment (as well as quality) problems this season and a few weeks back folded their seconds, allowing their slightly strengthened thirds to continue at Step 9. After 8 straight league defeats, two of which were walk-overs because they couldn’t raise a team, at least they now have registered one win and one draw.

A referee’s inspection at 13:30 gave the game the all-clear, but the kick-off time was advanced by half an hour to 14:00 in the light of the conditions, and we duly trudged out to the pitch which has no furniture or shelter of any description. There is a row of around 6 trees down one touchline, but even they didn’t provide any respite from the chill wind and rain. Spectating conditions were not quite as bad as the infamous Willenhall vs Ledbury cup tie I attended back in February 2016, which was played in a howling gale, but they were still pretty unpleasant.

The visitors fielded a strong side, with at least 4 powerful, tall players which the more light-weight North Dorset side did well to contain. It took 20m for Ellingham to force the ball over the try line in the left hand corner, and that was the only first half score. They repeated the feat after 46m and then scored from a 5 yard scrum to make it 0-17 on 51m but North Dorset managed to weave through their defence on 55m for a converted try. Two further tries were exchanged, and the game was ended by mutual consent on 76m with the score 12-22.

A good game in atrocious conditions, and a soggy drive home for a large mugga tea and two hours’ thawing / drying out …

Wadworth 6X Dorset & Wilts 2 South (Level 9): North Dorset III RFC 12 Ellingham & Ringwood RFC 22
Admission: free, no programme
Refreshments: nothing on offer other than bar fodder – crisps and chocolate £1.40
Attendance: 16 - even wetter and more bedraggled than last week!

[Kaz]

Oh we live Brittas Empire in this house

[Ally]

Oh we live Brittas Empire in this house

I had to look that up - thought it was something to do with those historical novels you enjoy Kaz.

Never heard of it...

[Kaz]

That should say "love Brittas Empire" not live, as acting it out would be a bit bizarre

Ally, it's very funny, but silly

[cromwell]

Blimey Os, you're a better man than me!
No way would I have ventured from the comfort of the fireside yesterday, not for any match!

[TheOstrich]

Blimey Os, you're a better man than me!
No way would I have ventured from the comfort of the fireside yesterday, not for any match!

Master O and DiL were down for the weekend.

I think she is beginning to wonder what sort of family she's married into ....

[TheOstrich]

15/12 – A trying week for the Ostrich! It started with attendance at the surgery on Friday morning for an appointment with the Vampire Nurse as I call her, or Flea Bottom-ist to give her the correct title . About a year ago, the doctor had decided the bird’s diabetic blood/sugar reading was so good that she could cut out the gliclazide from Ossie’s daily barrowload of pills, but then, of course, at the next testing, the reading had shot upwards and off the scale. The Ostrich blamed this firmly on the tinkering, so after consultation, an extra daily horse-tablet of metformin was prescribed, and by the next annual review, the blood/sugar reading had subsided - but was still a bit higher than desirable. So Ossie insisted that the gliclazide be reinstated. The doctor agreed, and Friday was the date of the three monthly blood test to confirm that the bird was (hopefully) back on the straight and narrow.

I was called out of reception by the practice’s diabetic nurse, which was a bit strange, and having sat down in her room, she said quizzically, “so you’re here for a review?”
No, said the bird, just a blood-letting.
“That’s not what is says here, they’ve allocated you half-an-hour for a diabetic review”.
“Well,” said Ossie chirpily, “take the blood sample and then you’ll have won 25 minutes to catch up on your backlog of paperwork!”
“I could do,” she replied, “ ….. but while you’re here …….”

Oh no! Before any diabetic review, the Ostrich gives up Kitkats for seven days to reduce the blood/sugar, then starves itself for 48 hours before the event to get the weight down, and practices deep meditation to reduce the blood pressure. Basically, every trick in the book to beat the system. And now a full battery of tests but with no prior notice! Horror!! “That’s against my ‘uman rights,” squawked the bird, flapping up to the rafters. But to no avail ….

Well, the weight on the surgery scales was the usual 4 lbs higher than the weight our kitchen scales show, but nevertheless at an acceptable level, and the blood pressure only marginally worse than the 135/75 this surgery adopts. “We all went on a course, and that’s what they recommend now, but quite a lot of surgeries still use the old 140/80 benchmark", I was told. Ossie muttered under his breath about the possibility of changing doctors , but the second blood pressure reading was thank goodness a bit lower.
I thought I had got away with it, but then the sting – “well, just to make sure, perhaps you’d fill in a 7 day home testing chart for me”.

So now, over Christmas, the bird has to do his penance with twice daily tests on the all-singing and dancing Boots Advanced Blood Pressure Monitor (Upper Arm). Saturday morning’s readings were high, but I then read the small print and it said don’t test yourself within 30 minutes of taking caffeine. I’d just had two large mugs of coffee, so that excuse duly went into the “Comments” column. Expect more fake news and/or economy with the truth as the week progresses …..

So to today’s football fixture, and last week, I eschewed a 50 mile round trip to Shepton Mallet in view of the heavy rain and state of the roads, opting for a much more sensible local visit to North Dorset RFC. In the game I missed, Shepton Mallet defeated Buckland Athletic 7-2, and today, Buckland (they hail from Kingsteignton, between Newton Abbot and Torquay) were down to play at what is rapidly becoming my adopted local club, Westbury United. Westbury are currently the unbeaten league leaders, so if Shepton could defeat Buckland heavily, what could Westbury do? But on the other hand, I am also rapidly becoming the White Horse Men’s jinx supporter – this season I’ve seen them beaten at home in the FA Trophy, beaten at home in the Western League Cup, and they could only draw against Chipping Sodbury in the league. Would it be fourth time lucky for a Westbury win?

Errr, no! Two evenly matched sides fought out an entertaining goalless draw, so I continue to rain on Westbury’s promotion parade. Buckland probably had the better of the chances, but Westbury keeper Ed Baldy was in fine form; the rather stolid Kenny Griffiths in the away goal also pulled off some excellent reaction saves. The referee handled the game with a light touch and didn’t get his yellow card out, even when the tackling got a bit heavy in the second half. A decent enough game – but Westbury lose another two home league points and have dropped to second in the table tonight. The jinx remains.

One thing though - I don’t warm to Westbury’s star striker Ricky Hulbert, who falls over far too easily when nudged and then lies prone, face down in the mud. When the referee ignores him, he then spends the next 5 minutes bleating plaintively to the linesman about life’s injustices. And Buckland, like Falmouth Town, are another side who play in yellow shirts with faded grey outline numbers rather than block, so it’s difficult to identify who’s who.

Western League Premier Division (Step 5): Westbury United 0 Buckland Athletic 0
Admission £5 including programme.
Refreshments: £2 for a mug of tea and chips before the game, and £2.50 for small pasty and tea at half time. By small, I mean small; if there is an annual award for the smallest pie or pasty on sale at a footie ground, Westbury are definitely in the running ….
Attendance: 88 (reported on the league website) although I counted 110!

And the fun REALLY started …..

Back to the car, key in the ignition – and nothing! Completely dead, just like that. A frantic call to the AA who promised they’d be out inside an hour, confirmation in the clubhouse they weren’t going to lock the gates anytime soon, and then a long wait, pacing back and forth the length of the car park. Full marks to the AA, they had a patrol out by 17:40, little time was needed to deduce a completely flat battery, and (as these things are now pretty standard across most makes of cars), I was fitted with a new one on the spot at a cost of £89.99. Paid for by card; they can’t take cash, by the way. I moan and groan at the annual AA renewal fee, but at times like this, they are worth their weight in gold. A relieved bird was back on the road by 18:15 and back home about 90 minutes late.

Obviously Westbury United’s revenge on me for being the jinx!! Anyway, despite all that, I’m pleased to have seen Buckland Athletic today, as that just leaves me with two teams in this league I have yet to see. The bad news for Westbury is that one of those teams is Hengrove, who are due to play there on January 19th, so come the New Year, we shall be doing it all again!

[JoM]

Fancy springing a surprise check on you, that's very cruel

Fabulous read, good thing that car was easily sorted.

[cromwell]

Westbury will be banning you Os! Too bad about the car. Batteries now seem to just die the death instantly, with little warning. I'm glad the AA sorted it for you.
I really don't like it when a surgery ses the "Oh, now you're here we may as well just..." line, as though it's some kind of accident. Also when they start moving the goalposts.