Ostrich on the Hoof

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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby TheOstrich » 10 Aug 2019, 19:41

10/08 – first up, a trip to Huish Park on Tuesday evening, where (given all the pre-season shenanigans) a very healthy crowd turned out for the Glovers’ first home game of the season. It’s a relatively easy drive down the A303 to Yeovil, and miracle of miracles, the major roadworks – ongoing for at least three years – appear to now be complete 8-) . It’s just a question of trying to work out which lane you need at the multitude of roundabouts between the link road from the A303, past the Crematorium and Poundland up to the ground. This, of course, is still a “Billy Big Boots” club (well, in their opinion, anyway) so it was a question of Buying a Ticket and Finding Your Right Entrance Turnstile and Locating Your Seat (never easy) :D . Ossie even offered himself to a Steward for frisking and was mortally offended when he was refused! :evil: Lest you think this is all very commercial, I’ve never found the folk at Yeovil, from the Car Park Attendant (which is their first opportunity to relieve you of money :) ) through to the Match Day Stewards anything less than friendly.

Yeovil’s squad has been boosted in the last week by the arrival of two young Birmingham City Academy players on loan, and one of them, Remeao Hutton, played the whole 90 minutes tonight. Eastleigh were a surprise package last season and actually made the play-offs, but it was nevertheless a very peculiar performance. They won the majority of their games 1-0, most of their defeats were 0-1, and if they had a rush of blood, the final score was 1-1. :D Not perhaps the most enterprising of teams …. still, last Saturday, they started well by defeating the newly-relegated Notts County, umm – 1-0!

The game got off to an explosive start. In the second minute, Eastleigh’s Green outpaced the home defence down the left wing, fizzed a cross into the six yard box, where it was scrambled against a goalpost and hooked clear. Yeovil went straight down the other end, a beautiful flighted ball put Cortney Duffus through a channel between two defenders, and he slotted the ball home from an angle!

What then developed was quite an exhilarating affair. Eastleigh looked a bit uncoordinated at first, but gradually got their act together. Yeovil were pressing forward, constantly running at the away defenders, but the pitch was playing very fast and the ball occasionally difficult to control. It was mainly Yeovil in the first half then, trying to increase their lead, but after the interval, it was a different story, and by the time we reached the last quarter of an hour, the Glovers, bayed on by a raucous crowd, were grimly holding on in the face of wave after wave of Eastleigh attacks. That they did so was a huge compliment to their commitment, grit and determination, and the final whistle was greeted as if they’d won the FA Cup! Excellent game. :D

National League (Step 1): Yeovil Town 1 Eastleigh 0
Parking £3. Apparently, they even charged the two Eastleigh supporters coaches £20 each! :o
Admission £17, glossy 48pp programme sensibly priced at £2.50 as it turned out to be mainly froth with little readable content :| , Half-Time Draw £1
Meal Deal Food Offer £6 – pasty, cuppa tea, crisps and choc bar. The standard of catering better than last year, but Ossie was a bit nonplussed by the PG Tips Teabag that seemed to be permanently attached to the side of the PG Tips Cup and defied removal.
Attendance: an excellent 2,813 (announced)

As I mentioned on Saturday morning’s thread in the Café, we had a difficult night trying to sort out a sensory front door security light which was being driven crazy by (I assume) foliage oscillating about in the south-westerly gale. We haven’t had this problem before. Having restored power during the morning, I then proceeded to give three or four bushes “in the line of sight” a fairly drastic short back and sides with the trusty shears :D , so we will see what happens the next time it’s windy. Given that the forecast today was for continuing 50mph gusts of wind, and warnings that trees currently in full leaf were particularly susceptible to being blown over, it seemed I might be severely pushing my luck trying to travel to my originally chosen game – Brockenhurst in the middle of the New Forest! :lol: So after a hasty trawl through today’s other games, I opted to visit Chippenham where, being more inland, the wind speeds were not forecast to be quite so bad.

The good news is that the redesign of the A350 Chippenham bypass has (after 2 and a bit years) finally been completed, and the traffic cones, which had established a successful breeding colony there, have duly migrated. 8-) The bad news is they’ve migrated to Melksham where goodness knows what they are trying to do with the large, central Farmers Roundabout, but whatever it is, the road markings and coned lanes are all over the place. :evil: I had a nasty experience on the way back, being undercut by a white car whilst I was trying to get off the roundabout onto the right road, and I had to accelerate hard to avoid a side-swipe. Who was technically in the wrong, given all the conflicting road markings, would be anyone’s guess. :|

Funnily enough I visited Chippenham Town’s ground, Hardenhuish Park, on 4th August last year to see their ground-share tenants, Chippenham Park FC play – I remember it was a blisteringly hot, sunny day and I watched an hour’s cricket on the next door pitch before the soccer match. Today, the covers were still on and the cricketers were forlornly viewing the sodden, windswept out-field from the pavilion; quite a contrast!

Chippenham have apparently made no progress with their much-heralded new car park, which ought now to qualify for semi-mythical status. There are two, very small existing car parks, and I was lucky to find a slot in the lower one despite arriving two hours before kick-off. The upper one was already full! Hardenhuish Park is a ramshackle old ground – Chippenham first played on it on September 20th, 1919 – but today the flags were flying and snapping in the breeze – a Union Jack, a Cross of St. George, and what can best be described as a Green and White Tea Towel :shock: ; leastways, it was very reminiscent of the one we’ve got in the kitchen draw and use for drying vegetables. Before the start, Ossie had to be persuaded not to square up to the home mascot, Chippy the Bluebird …. :twisted:

Opponents today were Billericay Town, from Essex, a club which in 2016 acquired a new owner, a lot of money and a bucket-load of controversy. The owner is one Glenn Tamplin, and you can read about him here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glenn_Tamplin
Billericay are expected to be one of the big beasts in their Step 2 League, and had won both their opening games; Chippenham have commenced with two draws.

Just like Tuesday night, we started with an early goal. Chippenham’s Callum Gunnar was clattered from behind in the penalty area and Luke Hopper made no mistake from the spot. Following that, we had a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde performance from the home side – they looked very neat and quite inventive on those occasions when they weren’t time-wasting. We had numerous stoppages for injuries. Billericay were happy to put themselves about a bit, but the home side weren’t going to take any nonsense, and the whole affair got a bit tetchy in the second half – thankfully we had decent and unflappable referee.

The second half saw Billericay going down the slight slope and Chippenham were on the back foot for long periods. All the main talking points, however, came in the last 10 minutes. Chippenham stalled a Billericay attack and broke forward, dangerously. Meantime, Billericay’s Robson remained grounded in the home penalty area, and the referee, as is mandated these days, stopped play – a possible head injury. At which point Robson made a miraculous recovery, something that didn’t go down too well amongst the home crowd! :evil: Then Billericay’s Ramsey smashed a shot off the top of the Chippenham crossbar, before another Chippenham breakaway lead to Nat Jarvis sliding the ball home and doubling their lead. Billericay were then awarded a late penalty which would have got them back into the game, but Rhead’s spot kick was weak, and Chippenham keeper Puddy easily saved it.

A hard fought game that was more absorbing than entertaining, perhaps.

National League South (Step 2): Chippenham Town 2 Billericay Town 0
Admission £9, glossy 64pp programme £2.50 and a far, far better read than Yeovil’s miserable effort, Half-Time Draw £1
Refreshments: a decent steak and ale pie from the food cabin, £2.50
Attendance: 583 (announced). As it happens, at their previous home game last Tuesday it was 582, so today’s crowd could therefore be described as Tuesday’s plus an Ostrich! :mrgreen:
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Kaz » 11 Aug 2019, 08:06

That teabag worries me too :? :lol: Boy it's been windy here this weekend, I think you were wise avoiding wooded areas ;) :lol:
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby TheOstrich » 17 Aug 2019, 21:29

17/08 – with now’t on telly, a run-out on Wednesday evening to the local rugby club, who were warming up for the new season with a friendly game against Guys Marsh.
“I’m not sure about this,” quavered the Ostrich :?
“Why ever not?” I enquired of the bird.
“If they lose, they might burn the place down!” :o
“Don’t worry, Ossie, it’s the warders that make up the team, not the prisoners!” :D

Guy’s Marsh is a Category C training prison holding Life Sentenced and Indeterminate Sentenced Public Protection prisoners (IPPs) as well as those undertaking the Integrated Drug Treatment Service (IDTS), around 500 inmates in all. Including a lot of Albanians, apparently. Yes, they did attempt to burn the place down in March 2017 after a prisoner got on the roof, and yes, it doesn’t have a particularly good reputation after said Albanians tweeted pictures of themselves having a Christmas knees-up last year. :lol: The Prisons Inspectorate have described it as “unsafe” and “in crisis”, but they do have a nice café on the campus and Mrs O and I have had lunch there! 8-)

I haven’t been able to find anything out about the rugby club – Guys Marsh Barbarians RFC – but they did turn out in a natty strip, basically black with sky-blue and white shoulder flashes. One team member, playing on the far wing in the first half, was, I noted under the gloom of North Dorset RFC’s lights, wearing a red training bib on top of their kit, which seemed slightly odd, but when said player came over to the near touchline for a breather – all became clear. :D The player was a young lass, and presumably the red top was a “don’t forcibly tackle” aide! That was a novelty; I have never seen a mixed-sex rugby team before. :lol:

Anyway, one sincerely hopes the North Dorset team, despite playing in the first XV kit, was an outing for the Badgers (the seconds), because they looked none too impressive. That wasn’t just my view; even one of their players walked off at half-time muttering “we’re going to finish bottom of the league with no points”. :oops: Despite two opening tries in the first 3 minutes (the first in 36 secs, the second a neat grub kick chased through and grounded by the scrum half), North Dorset failed to stamp any authority on the game and were pegged back in their own 22 for most of the first half. Guys Marsh looked disciplined and well up to the standards of their hosts.

Although North Dorset made it 15-0 on 43m, Guys Marsh deservedly pilled back to 15-10 with two close range tries; however a final home try on the last play of the match game North Dorset a more flattering scoreline than they deserved. All conversion attempts were risibly inaccurate dropped goals. Not a game to live long in the memory …… :|

14/08 /19 – Friendly: North Dorset RFC 20 Guys Marsh Barbarians RFC 10
No admission or programme
Refreshments: excellent large pasty £2.50, chock full of potato and meat. :D
Attendance: 79 with nothing better to do on the night

The following day, the men came to lay the new Karndean flooring tiles in the kitchen. American Light Oak, and a huge improvement on 20 year old vinyl! 8-) Calling Mrs O down the corridor to come see progress, Ossie stepped into the kitchen, rigorously sticking to a bit of the floor where the tiles hadn’t been laid. Unfortunately, though, the glue HAD been laid – and yes, Ossie got well and truly stuck! :o You couldn’t make it up, could you? :oops: And it was my best pair of socks, the only one without holes. :evil: It took Mrs O about 30 minutes to stop laughing ……

So to Saturday’s match, and the rationale behind attending this game was to see a Sheerwater FC “home” fixture as they are having a new ground built, and are now supposedly in their second and final season as tenants of Woking FC at their huge Laithwaite Stadium. I meant to go last year, but the rail strikes thwarted me – seeing that the RMT have again called strike action later this month on South Western Railway, I thought I’d better get up there whilst I had the opportunity. Well, I needn’t have rushed! :) Apparently there has been virtually no work on developing the new leisure centre where Sheerwater are supposed to be occupying a pitch, and I was told they may well be ground-sharing at Woking for some years to come.

Sheerwater, which is a village/suburb close to Woking, apparently started as an “estate” built by London County Council just after the Second World War. It’s main claim to fame seems to be that Paul Weller and friends started the punk rock band “The Jam” whilst at school there. The soccer team was founded in 1958, and they’ve led a fairly unobtrusive existence in various local leagues, but are now playing at the highest level they’ve ever achieved, having won promotion from the Combined Counties Division 1 last season. Badshot Lea is a small village between Farnham and Aldershot, but their football team, (founded in 1904), currently plays at Camberley’s ground. Like Sheerwater, they haven’t particularly troubled the record books, but they did have a decent FA Cup run in 2012/13, taking a couple of illustrious scalps (if you can call Leiston and Folkstone Invicta illustrious scalps :D ) before succumbing to Chippenham Town.

It’s a reasonably pleasant walk down from the station to the football ground, through Woking Park, where I stopped to listen to a small oompah band performing in the circular bandstand, but Ossie was more interested in an alternative sort of cornet, and spying an ice-cream van, headed the queue for a 99 Flake! :mrgreen:

This was my first Combined Counties League match and I have always suspected the league of having a pretty high standard, having seen two or three of their sides tank Wessex League opponents in previous season’s cup games. Today did not disappoint. There was a lot of thought and a lot of skill out there on the pitch and a very watchable game ensued. Sheerwater took the lead on 11m through a close-range Danny Taylor header after neat build up play, and Taylor proved to be a thorn in Badshot Lea’s flesh throughout the afternoon with fast penetrating runs down both wings and some superb crosses into the box. The final minutes of the first half saw a poor tackle bring down Sheerwater’s George Dore, who needed lengthy treatment; when he eventually returned to the pitch, he was then involved in an “incident” with Badshot Lea’s Ashley Lloyd – everyone in the stadium saw Lloyd’s final off-the-ball stamp on Dore except the referee :shock: – however, the linesman flagged it, and Lloyd was off (protesting all the way back to the changing rooms). :evil:

Sheerwater went off the boil a bit at the start of the second half, allowing 10-man Badshot Lea an equaliser n 56m but the home side picked up momentum again and Shane Rideout bullied his way through the middle of the defence to restore Sheerwater’s lead before clinching it 3 minutes later, flicking home a Danny Taylor cross.

On the way back, popped in to the M&S FoodHall outside the station to quickly grab something for the train, but found that they had ripped out all the service tills, replacing them with 6 self-service machines, 5 of which were “card only” and the only cash machine was well and truly occupied. :| Well, if that’s “progress”, count me out. M&S duly lost a sale, and next time I go up there, I’ll pop in to the (ethnic minority) general stores a couple of doors down the road, where I’m sure I’ll get a better service. :D

17/08/19 – Combined Counties Premier League: Sheerwater 3 Badshot Lea 1
Admission: £4, very good 32pp programme £1
Refreshments: 99 Flake £2.50. In the ground, Sheerwater had set up a barbecue, so a pre-game burger for £3 and a half-time hotdog for £2.50 which included some jet-black, volcanically-incinerated onions (“I only turned me back on them for two minutes, honest … :oops: ”)
Attendance: 98 (rattling around in a 6,000 capacity stadium! :D )
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby TheOstrich » 24 Aug 2019, 21:50

The fixture makers have been kind and The Ostrich was able to take in two evening games this week. 8-)

First up, a Tuesday night trip to Frome. Driving into the car park by the cricket club pavilion, Ossie was alarmed to find a number of determined-looking, grim-faced ladies milling around outside the building.
“D’you think it’s that Distinction Rebellion mob? :o ” worried the Ostrich
“I’m not sure …. :?
Then I saw a prominent banner – and all became clear! Slimming World!! :mrgreen:

Both tonight’s protagonists were promoted from junior leagues last season to the heady level of the Step 7 Wiltshire Senior League. That did somewhat show in the general standard of play. :roll: Frome Collegians have their own pitch, just railed around and with two small dugouts, on the Old Showground up the hill from the cricket pitch and more or less directly opposite Frome Town FC's Badgers Hill ground. I played my part in tonight’s game pre-match by rounding up a disorientated Holt player in the car-park of the latter and redirecting him to the carpark of the former! :lol: What should have been a 6:15 kick off eventually got underway at 6:32. I had forgotten that timekeeping in the Wiltshire League can be somewhat erratic, and the late start precluded me from hopping over the road at the end of the game to see the second half of a friendly between Frome Town Ladies and Witham College or somesuch from Washington State, USA!

After an earlier attempt had just failed, Holt’s Scott Baker put his side in front on 3m with a neat lob over the keeper. The first half wasn’t very good fayre for the spectator; the home side made far too many errors and Baker’s raiding apart, Holt were not particularly threatening. The home manager's Inspirational Half Time Team Talk revolved around Let's Keep On Doing What We Do Best. The players appeared to interpret that as Let's Keep On Falling Over! :roll: Anyhow, Frome Collegians, along with the game, did improve somewhat after the interval and after a herculean effort got a 67th minute equaliser, Lewis Perrett stabbing the ball home after a cross was headed back into the area. Three minutes later, however, they undid all their good work when Baker capitalised on an awful muddle between the home keeper and centre half, and calmly stroked the ball into an empty net. A game slightly better in hindsight than it seemed at the time!

20/08/19 – Wiltshire Senior League Premier Division: Frome Collegians 1 Holt 2
Admission: free, no programme
Refreshments: nothing available
Attendance: 39

On to Wednesday, and when travelling to a Westbury evening game, I always forget to factor in time for the flippin’ dairy herd at Longbridge Deverill tromping dolefully across the road from the milking parlour to the fields – caught out yet again! :evil: Westbury United, who had won both their opening fixtures, and who were also launching their retro- style two-tone green and white hooped shirts, were shocked by a blistering start from Hallen and had keeper Ed Baldy to thank for keeping them in the game as the Bristol club mounted wave upon wave of attacks from the first whistle. Baldy could only parry away a goal-bound shot on 3m and as the pressure mounted, Hallen twice hit the crossbar only for the ball to be scrambled clear. From the resulting corner, the ball cannoned off Baldy who knew little about it! By the 30 minute mark, though, Westbury had pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and the game was beginning to deteriorate in quality. The home side got the ball in the net, disallowed for offside, but then did take a somewhat undeserved league when Hulbert turned and neatly dinked the ball over the keeper on 34m.

Hallen equalised on 51m when Matt Davis smashed in a rebound following a corner, and it looked as that might be the final result as both sides were starting to display a lot of gamesmanship and time-wasting tactics, but no, Westbury proceeded to throw it all away with two horrific defensive errors in the final 5 minutes. Westbury’s Ollie Webb allowed himself to be robbed and Simpson converted the resulting easy 1 on 1 with the keeper, then a mishit clearance fell to Latham who duly found the net from an angle. No arguing with that result! :|

21/08/19 – Western League Premier Division: Westbury United 1 Hallen 3
Admission: £4, programme £1
Refreshments: Westbury have for the last two years won my Award for the Smallest Pie of the Season. However tonight was a revelation; cottage pie on the menu at £2 per helping, of which I had a number. And I’m not telling you how many! :oops: :P
Attendance: 101 (official); it was a darn sight more than that! I counted 143. :shock:

So to Saturday, and taking advantage of a strike and engineering work free day on the trains, it was off to south-west London. Despite the minor inconvenience of a reduced service on the trams from Wimbledon to Mitcham, and the major inconvenience right outside the ground of the closure of the bridge over the River Wandle to both cars and pedestrians (entailing a detour through a neighbouring park), I made it to the KNK Stadium, Imperial Fields, (which has now been renamed the Campus Society Stadium), in good time. I visited here last season to see tenants Dulwich Hamlet, but today I was watching the landlords Tooting and Mitcham United. It’s a fascinating place, the architecture best described as brutalist, with open steel girders and sweeping grey concrete roofs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_ ... 434730.jpg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_ ... 434693.jpg

A nervy start to this FA Cup tie, but on 7m, Tooting’s Danny Bassett scored a beautiful goal, controlling a cross from the right, turning, and hitting the back of the net. That unfortunately was about as good as it got :| – Faversham Town had little to offer, the home team were dominant in midfield and set up some excellent chances for the front line, but Tooting couldn’t find the back of the net again. Once Bassett had gone off injured, any lingering threat they had was dissipated and the game rather petered out. A large number of injury stoppages didn’t help the flow of the game either. It wasn’t a bad game, but it basically failed to ignite.

24/08/19 – Emirates FA Cup Preliminary Round: Tooting & Mitcham United 1 Faversham Town 0
Admission: £5, slightly pricy programme at £2.50 but very good content.
Refreshments: The Caribbean Food Hut was open! 8-) I regret I cannot recommend the curried goat (£6). Far too much bone in it, and Ossie’s fevvers turned a rather nasty shade of bilious green. :o But the Jamaican vegetable patties (£1.70 each) were quite nice. A pattie, by the way, is a pasty that’s yellow rather than brown (or, as is the case at Exmouth Town, black :mrgreen: ). I brought one home for Mrs O to sample. She said “it’s rather flat”. “That,” I said, “is because I probably sat on it on the train …” :oops:
Attendance: 219
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Kaz » 25 Aug 2019, 14:48

The grim-faced ladies were probably on their way in Ossie. On the way out they tend to look either guilty or triumphant
- and hungry! :P ;) :lol:
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Ally » 26 Aug 2019, 06:08

Great read Ossie. :cute: :cute:

We had curried goat in Jamaica (I'm really funny about meat. :? ) but felt I ought to at least try it. Never again. :o

I like a Jamaican pattie though. :D :D
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby TheOstrich » 26 Aug 2019, 14:14

Yes, I'll not be repeating the goal experiment. :|

Errors and Correction time:
In a previous post, I referred to a green and white striped teatowel, of the sort favoured by my Mother for drying vegetables, flying on a mast at Chippenham Town FC.
I spotted another flying at a farmhouse just east of Salisbury last Saturday, and that got a puzzled Ossie googling.
I find I need to offer an apology to all citizens of Wiltshire for denigrating their county flag ….. :oops: :lol:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_W ... tshire.svg

In other (fake) news, Ossie has asked me to point out that many readers may think, perhaps, that I am inventing all these travellers tales from the comfort of my armchair. The bird would like to put this scurrilous assertion to rest by posting a short video of his master taken at Tooting and Mitcham at the weekend. He says if you pan down and select the first two action videos dated August 24th, it's the white-haired geezer in the green anorak sitting on the far right...… :mrgreen:
https://twitter.com/OfficialTmufc
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Kaz » 26 Aug 2019, 15:03

Ooh yes, fame at last Ossie :D Not that I doubted your travels for a second :geek: :D

I only had goat curry once, my sister's Jamaican born father-in-law made it. It was rather good as I remember, reminded me of mutton :lol:
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Ally » 27 Aug 2019, 05:50

I had to ask Don what mutton was. :oops: :lol:

He thought I was joking. I wasn't. Mind you...this is from the wifey who, last week, got his star sign wrong. He was not amused. :oops: :P :lol:
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Re: Ostrich on the Hoof

Postby Kaz » 27 Aug 2019, 21:10

:lol: :lol:
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