Ostrich on the Hoof

[cromwell]

That sounds like a beautiful spot for a ground Os. Sturminster Newton - sounds like a dodgy solicitor!
Fitted carpet! You must have made your pile...
Great read as usual.

[Kaz]

Brill read, as ever, Ossie Prunes and Pot Noodles? I can let you have a couple of rolls of Cushelle for a reasonable price........

[TheOstrich]

Midweek. The phone rings ….

“’Ello” says the Ostrich.
“Hello.” It’s SiL. “I was just wondering if you are still going out and doing things like shopping ….”
“Well, yes, we’re not in lockdown yet, but we’re thinking it might be wise for us to do so soon, the way it’s all going”
“Oh right. Well, you know I’m coming across to visit Mrs O on Saturday …”
“Yes, she’s looking forward to it”
“Well, I was wondering if you could get one or two things in for me?”
“Oh. Um. Err. What are you after?”
“Toilet rolls …..”

Cheeky monkey!

Still, perhaps not as cheeky as the prankster (or possibly disgruntled patient) who super-glued shut all the doors to the local doctor’s surgery last Thursday night. You do have to wonder about some people, don’t you?

Back on the real world (well, Watford) we do have thoughts for Niece’s H. He’s basically a senior thingamajig in the Infectious Diseases Control Unit in the local general hospital. There’s 3 in the section, 1’s on holiday, so H and his oppo have had to dress up in the full haz-mat suit regalia, and go down to the “Pod” and do the mouth swab testing for the virus. Very much at the sharp end.

And of course the virus is wreaking havoc on all our sporting fixtures. Friday morning, and the FA edict comes out suspending all Premiership and League Football for three weeks or so. But what about grassroots football? “Wait until this afternoon,” tweet the Non-League leagues, “We’ve been told by the FA that they will issue Further Guidance as to whether we should suspend our games as well.” And lo and behold, late Friday afternoon, the FA’s solemn and sage advice is published and it is this: “It’s entirely up to you!”

So, of course, what then follows is the usual harmonious, co-ordinated and united response from the lower leagues :
National Leagues – ON
Southern Leagues – OFF
Wessex Leagues – ON
Western Leagues – OFF
Dorset Leagues – ERR … actually, we’re still under water so we’ll have pitch inspections Saturday morning.

Planning the Ostrich’s footballing games used to be relatively straight-forward – now it mainly consists of banging the bird’s head against the computer screen.

Now in normal times, today would have been a no-brainer – RFU South-West Junior Cup Final between Westbury RFC and Old Cryptians RFC. The Crypt School was founded in 1539 by John and Joan Cooke, the former an exceedingly rich brewer and mercer within the City of Gloucester. It’s still going, nowadays a selective co-educational secondary school based at Podsmead which is about a mile south of the City Centre. The Rugby Club has been going for a long time, too, although it’s strap-line on its Twitter account is “A Drinking Club with a Rugby Problem” , so it perhaps doesn’t take itself too seriously.

I’d been gearing up to go to this one, until one of Westbury’s FB posts advised getting there early because they were expecting a rather large crowd. I have in recent weeks informally started thinking that with the virus, (both Mrs O and I being in the vulnerable category), I’d not attend any games where crowds were likely to exceed 100. Westbury went on to say that they’d be having car park attendants out. Car park? What car park! I’ve been to Knott’s Field previously; it’s a mile up a track in the middle of nowhere and the only car park I could think of was right at the entrance to said track. They then finished their post with a cryptic comment that the spectators area was “rather muddy” (Rugby Union speak for “swamp” ), so back to the drawing board!

A scouring of Dorset League soccer games brought up Westland Sports v Balti Sports, to be played at Westland's Alvington ground, a venue I’ve not previously visited, which had been declared “on”. Back-up game was National League’s Yeovil Town vs Barnet – although mid-Saturday morning this was postponed – several of Barnet’s coaching staff had started displaying coronavirus symptoms and had gone into self-isolation! Second back-up was some obscure Yeovil and District League cup tie on a recreation ground somewhere on the north side of town and I can’t now even recall which two teams were involved!

Next problem – the local Facebook group started reporting the A303 westbound completely blocked just beyond Wincanton due to an overturned lorry! AA Roadwatch duly confirmed this. Now where you are, getting around such a problem would probably only involve a minor diversion – down here in Dorset, however, it’s usually a cross-country hike of not less than 25 miles. So I started early but took the sensible precaution of working out what diversions would be in place round the blockage, and doing something entirely different! Accordingly, it was country roads to Templecombe (only four horses encountered, and you usually get advance warning of these by the piles of steaming brown dung in the middle of the carriageway ), and then on to Sherborne and down Babylon Hill into Yeovil itself.

Over the last 10 years or so, Yeovil has installed extensive traffic management schemes, which means that (a) the queuing now start half-way back up Babylon Hill (b) you only have a 1 in 3 chance, thanks to maniacal signposting, of being in the appropriate road lane at the appropriate time and (b) what used to be a 15 minute journey now takes 30 . Nevertheless, I arrived in good time at Alvington, confirmed the game was still on, and walked up the road to the local Asda for my latest “self-isolation” shop. No paracetamol, no pasta, and no easy-cook brown rice on the shelves, anywhere. So I bought two tins of vegetable chilli, two tins of macaroni cheese, and two tins of pineapple slices. Oh, and because Mrs O is already threatening to go stir-crazy if she’s incarcerated for more than 2 ½ days, I bought her Hilary Mantel’s latest 912-page epic “The Mirror and the Light” at a knock-down price of £13.

Back at the Alvington Sports Ground, I’d parked up facing the main pitch with a view to watching the game from the comfort of my car, but that didn’t work out, as when the players came out of the changing rooms, they immediately marched off to another pitch a few hundred yards away. Oh, well. Following them, I did find a small memorial bench sited on a bank overlooking this new pitch, which I claimed in solitary splendour. (Someone did come and sit next to me, but after a few minutes, I convulsed in a hacking cough , so looking horrified, he rapidly departed!)

Westland and Balti are two of the bigger beasts in this Step 7 league, and apparently have a history of playing out low-scoring, dour matches, but today’s effort was quite a decent display. Balti served due notice of intent as early as the 2nd minute with a long-range, rasping shot that just cleared the crossbar, just cleared the fence, and must have caused serious confusion on the adjacent A3088 at the back of the ground . But it was Westland who took the lead on 10m with a half-cross, half-shot that deceived the away keeper and found the far corner of the net. Balti equalised on 20m from a direct free-kick, curled in from wide.

Both sides were playing some neat, attractive football, but with neither side able to break the deadlock, things got a bit temperamental in the second half and a few wild tackles went in, culminating in a Balti player being sent off for two yellow cards. Eventually Westland made their numerical advantage pay, and after a player was brought down on the edge of the box, the resulting free kick was expertly delivered round the wall and into the top of the net.

It had gotten very cold in the second half as the westerly wind picked up, and I was grateful to get back in the car and head home. But not without a small deviation to my route – SiL had phoned up again on Saturday morning to cancel her visit – so yes, I volunteered to drop her toilet rolls off on my way home from Yeovil!

Now, we shall see, but sadly I suspect this will be the last time Ossie blogs for this season. Reading the runes, I can’t see the grassroots soccer or rugby programme surviving beyond the end of this coming week, as I believe Boris will have to man up and impose blanket bans on all mass gatherings, etc. until this current crisis is resolved. This is what has happened in many European countries now, and indeed (as far as junior soccer is concerned) in Scotland, and rightly so, in my book.

So on that sober note , I’ll leave all you ageing rockers with this poignant 1965 classic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvIIM2AZgCA

Take care, all.

14/03/20: Dorset Premier League (Step 7). Westland Sports 2 Balti Sports 1
Admission £1.50, no programme
Refreshments: an abstemious day – none!
Attendance: 52

[Ally]

Bloody hell our Ossie.

I saw the length of your post and went to the kitchen for a snack and a drink before settling down for a read.

And a good one it was too. Even if it was heavy on the tinned food front.

Great read my good man!

[cromwell]

Cheeky indeed. I'm not sure that I would have got her toilet rolls, or been polite about the refusal.
Balti sports? Sounds like a curry house team. Is it true that balti means "bucket" in Urdu?
Great read Os, as usual.

[Kaz]

Ossie, Mick has played against Old Cryptians many a time! Believe me, most of the local clubs here live by that tagline

Thanks again for a brilliant season of reporting, these posts are great fun, and it takes a lot for me to look forward to a sporting season

On a final note, apparently The Telegraph reported on a local footie game, on their back pages, due to the lack of League games - there could be a job for you there Ossie!

[miasmum]

I thought exactly the same as Kaz when I saw that on the news this morning. I thought I know someone who would fill this gap admirably

They really should be available for more than us to enjoy Ossie, I love reading them

[TheOstrich]

Thank you all, you're very kind.

But don't flatter the bird too much, he already has an ego the size of Wembley Stadium ….

[cromwell]

I can only echo what has been said Ossie. Thanks for the entertainment, I always enjoy the read.