Vocal Voices

by **Kaz** » 01 Jul 2022, 19:45

TRUE STORY FROM IRELAND.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

by **TheOstrich** » 01 Jul 2022, 23:11

Whilst we're on the subject of jokes emanating from the Emerald Isle:

A Dublin businessman, suffering as a result of a far too great liking for alcoholic refreshment, books a spell as a guest at the monastery at Roscrea, County Tipperary, renowned for curing of alcoholism. He sets out on this mission - after much final-opportunity quaffing - on the Dublin to Cork overnight train. The train concerned stops at an ungodly hour of the night at Ballybrophy - the nearest point on the main line to Roscrea, and though it's the middle of night, presumably our businessman's being picked up at Ballybrophy by road.

On departure from Dublin, he asks the guard to put him and his luggage off the train at Ballybrophy. He says, "I'll admit, I've been drinking; I'll probably be in a horrible mood when the time comes, and curse you something awful, but take no notice - just put me off the train anyway." He is furious when, the next thing he knows, he's at Cork station the following morning, and swears hideously and imaginatively at the guard. Then, since he's trying to turn his life around and become a better person, he feels contrite, and says to the guard, "Sorry, you don't deserve all that - sins of omission, we all do them". The guard replies, "Think nothing of it, sir; what you just came out with was nothing to what I got from the man I put out at Ballybrophy ....."