Mad Birds and Cornishmen

[miasmum]

one sausage one saveloy, did you eat one at a time or did you alternate your mouthfuls?

[TheOstrich]

By tradition, always the saveloy first!

Anyway, it was all they had going in the warming drawer. Otherwise I'd have had to wait; not that they were exactly doing a roaring trade, mind, in the heat.

Mrs O NOT amused that I brought them back tucked in my shirt breast pocket. They were wrapped ...

[cromwell]

Great report Os. Our local chippie did not open yesterday afternoon. Can you imagine working in a chip shop in 39c heat?

[miasmum]

One near us burnt down.

[TheOstrich]

“Ossie, why are you wearing a flat cap?”
“It’s not a flat cap, it’s a beret!”
“OK, so why are you wearing a beret?”
“Makes me look cosmopolitan!”
“Oh, I see. Sort of Yorkshire chic …..”

Ossie has been dressing up for the part because he’s been off to see an exhibition by one of the West Riding’s most famous sons - Henry Moore (born Castleford 1898, died in Hertfordshire 1986). You know the bloke. Noted English sculptor. Stocky geezer in an apron with a chisel, expression like Jeremy Clarkson swallowed a bumblebee.

Hauser & Wirth is a Swiss-run international contemporary and modern art gallery. San Moritz, Hong Kong, Los Angeles …. and Durslade Farm, Somerset! Situated on the southern outskirts of Bruton, (not a million miles from the soccer club’s ground as it happens), it attracts the rich luvvie set that has spread from London into this part of the West Country. It’s a large sprawling campus with some lovely, open flower gardens set behind the extensive buildings. There’s a small car park and an overflow field next to it; both were pretty full of SUVs and camper vans on Friday afternoon, despite the sultry atmosphere and threatening storm-clouds. There’s also a decent farm shop on site, but you might need to see your bank manager to arrange overdraft facilities beforehand.

Not really my scene, I’m not really an artie, but Mrs O likes that sort of thing, so it was a Wedding Anniversary treat – (mine, involving hopefully a large Full English Breakfast, will come next week ) - but that said, the exhibition was quite diverse and in its own way, very memorable. Heavy security around the site, but you’d need a small crane in yer handbag if you were intending to purloin most of the exhibits on display, indoor and outdoor. Moore was also a talented artist and there were a selection of very moody sketches of Stonehenge hung in one of the galleries.

One grouse would be the total lack of information in the galleries regarding each item, but I guess it’s supposed to be the sort of exhibition which you “experience” rather than learn about. On until 4th September if you’re down this way. This will give you a taste of it:

https://www.vip-hauserwirth.com/gallery ... form-2022/

Reporting in my usual style ……

22/07/22: Exhibition @ Hauser and Wirth, Bruton
Henry Moore – “Sharing Form”
Admission: free
Paperwork: fold-out guide, surprisingly also free, but a shade lacking in specific detail. Like a footie programme that lists squad members only, or has just three pen-pics from the opposition players ….
Refreshments: The Roth Bar, on-site. At the entrance to it, they have a glass-encased “Salt Room” with huge slabs of beef visible, presumably being age-matured. Ice-creams from the van in the courtyard were up to £5 a pop. Neither appealed.
Attendance: I’d say around 150-200 on the campus.

So, to the proper business of the week, and no particular changes noticeable at the Donhead Sports Club ground (just off the A30 outside Shaftesbury), duly attended for my “annual visit”. Well, they claim to have improved the car park surface, but looked to be the same number of potholes as usual . They have painted the manky old half-tyres (which are attached to the metal railings to stop you driving into them) brilliant white, though.

Yetminster United are a Perry Street & District League club who were known as Pen Mill Athletic last season, and I think their Reserves side (in Division 3 of that league), who were visiting today, are newly-formed and might have been playing their first ever competitive game. Hosts Donhead United are continuing to ply their trade in Dorset League Division 4 this season, so this was something like Step 12 v Step 14 in theory, although comparisons are meaningless this far down the Non-League Pyramid. I’m pleased Donhead United are soldiering on as there’s been a complete decimation of non-league teams in this particular area of North Dorset – Mere Town, Zeals, Marnhull, Gillingham Town Reserves and Shaftesbury Colts have all folded since Covid arrived.

Today’s game was played on the “lower” pitch, which runs parallel to the Village Hall; this pitch appeared to have been abandoned the last time I visited here in October last year, so I’m not sure why it’s been brought back into use; it’s the “upper” pitch wot has the dugouts! Nul points for Yetminster United’s strip, mind you - white shirt numbers on a yellow background, at a distance of more than 5 yards, are totally unreadable to this old Ostrich’s beady eyes.

After a fairly even first 10 minutes, Donhead took the lead when D.10 completely wrongfooted a defender in midfield and unleashed an unstoppable 20 yarder right over the away keeper’s head. A mishit shot fumbled by the keeper made it 2-0 on 19m before Yetminster pulled one back, a lofted cross to the far side of the box being turned in by a stretching attacker. The only other incident of note in the first half was one of the Donhead coaches being stung on the ankle by a wasp while retrieving a ball from the undergrowth!

Donhead gradually asserted themselves in the second half and by the hour mark, it was 4-1 and not far off one-way traffic. Yetminster didn’t help themselves when one player started jumping up and down and let rip at the referee ; he received a straight red card – no messing – for his trouble! Donhead were content to coast after that with one final goal on 83m and a further effort ruled out for hand-ball. The home keeper, who had looked far more comfortable throughout the game using either his feet or his ample girth to defend his goal, then pulled off a stunning one-handed save, pushing the ball over the bar in the closing minutes.

It was blowing a bit of a hooley out there today and I rather regretted turning up in summer gear. Time to dig the anorak out …..

23/07/22: Pre-Season Friendly
Donhead United 5 Yetminster United Reserves 1
Free admission
Refreshments: They had prior-announced the bar would be open; well, the door was, but everything inside was locked up! Luckily, I had previously invested in a Large Traditional Scotch Egg for £3 – good value!
Attendance 18

[cromwell]

Ah,Henry Moore.
He was the reclining figures man I think.

It sounds like quite an entertaining afternoon Os, at least this bit was
"The only other incident of note in the first half was one of the Donhead coaches being stung on the ankle by a wasp while retrieving a ball from the undergrowth! "

The art of Coarse football!

[Kaz]

Ossie that exhibition sounds great, right up my street!

[TheOstrich]

<rummage, CRASH!>
“$%&$£&$!”
“What on earth are you doing, Ossie?”
“I’m trying to find that list.”
“What list?”
“That daily list of weights you took when you made me stand on the scales a few months back ….”
“Why do you need it now, you daft bird?”
“To see what exactly you told the vets on that on-line medical review form. I need to get my story straight!”

Yes, the Ostrich is facing yet another Medical Review. Having managed, thanks to the Bird Flu, to get away with around 2 ½ years without one, the system seems to have reverted back to an Annual Medication Review in one’s birth-month, or hatch-month in Ossie’s case – and the bird’s now due again, despite having completed a review only 3 months ago. In fairness, it’s perhaps not entirely the fault of the veterinarians, more a case of “computer says … ” It seems to have reverted to its original scheduling.

So more tedious crash-dieting, and a necessary delve into the archives to see what (ahem!) "truths" were declared by the bird the last time an on-line form was submitted.

“Let’s face it, Ossie,, you ARE overweight.”
“I am not!”
“Well what about a few months back when we visited the Shaftesbury Agricultural Show, and you got too close to the Chicken and Fowl section, and somebody slapped a “Fattest Turkey in Show” rosette on you ….”
“Don’t remind me”
“ ... Or when they put you on the balance scales, and when they hoisted you up, the rope snapped!”
“$%&$£&$!”

So, if the “Refreshments” section of the footie reports is a bit sparse over the next few weeks, you now know why!

Anyway, a bit of an odd one, last Saturday, a game pitching a Step 7 (Wiltshire Senior League) side vs Step 10 (Somerset County League Division 3) visitors. Locals told me it was definitely Frome Collegians’ first team squad on the field, and Fry Club’s social media duly confirmed it was their Reserves playing, hence the 3 step gap. Based in Keynsham and founded in 1917, I would imagine that Fry Club FC were originally the works team for the large chocolate-bar making factory situated there, which was closed when the Americans took over Cadburys number of years back.

Frome Collegians’ ground (which I know has featured before in these reports) is on the Old Frome Showground, situated on top of the hill next to the Selwood Academy. There was a local cricket match taking place at the bottom of the hill; well over 100 spectators in attendance, I’d guess, and you could read their whizzy electronic scoreboard from half a mile away. Nearest parking for the soccer is in the Selwood Academy, using the entrance which is pretty much opposite the main Frome Town FC car park across the road. There’s a lot of work going on in the school’s car park at the moment and I was a bit unsure if you could still walk through to the Collegians’ pitch from it, but I squeezed between barriers, so no problem at the end of the day.

Their pitch is fully railed and has two dugouts, but that’s it. Whoever manages the Old Showground estate appears to have embarked on a bit of rewilding, and the large grassy bank behind the near goal was rather choked with three foot high foliage, but the two park benches from which you can sit and watch the soccer are still accessible. I tend to avoid them anyway as invariably you finish up as an unpaid ball-boy, retrieving wayward shots on goal. It can be rather a full time job at this level! Judging by the visible herringbone pattern on the pitch, the club has had to undertake a fair bit of remedial drainage work this summer.

The game went according to the form book; 5-1 was a pretty fair result. Fry Reserves’ defence often went AWOL for long periods, and their players were slow to get back and cover. Collegians used both wings to their advantage, and also happily undertook Route 1 on more than one occasion, which lead directly to a couple of their goals. That’s not to say Fry Reserves didn’t put up a spirited performance, and they had several head-clutching near misses on top of their 59m consolation goal.

Collegians went 2-0 up in the first half, Theo Sing notching the first unchallenged on 22m and Jake Newman scoring the first of his hat-trick, stabbing in a pull back from the bye-line at the near post (26m). The home side’s third goal came 25 seconds into the second half with Newman going straight down the middle; his own third on 60m was an immediate riposte to Fry Reserves’ goal.

The hardworking Alex Pippard completed the scoring on 75m, while in the closing stages, one Collegians player received a straight red for reasons not entirely clear from where I was stood , and one of the Frome coaches then had a yellow brandished at him for something said to the referee . A bit of an unfortunate ending as it certainly hadn’t been that sort of match .....

30/07/22: Pre-Season Friendly
Frome Collegians 5 Fry Club Reserves 1
Free admission
No refreshments available on site today. They have been known to erect a marquee and sell snacks from it, but I’ve never seen it in operation in practice.
Attendance 23

[cromwell]

Ah yes, Fry's Chocolate Cream. MrsC was very partial to those in her younger days. Cadbury's Rowntrees, Terry's and Frys. All taken over and Cadbury's for one doesn't seem to taste as good these days.
Good luck with the review Os!
A three step gap seems a bit strange.
5 -1? It sounds like the Fry's defence had a soft centre....

[Kaz]

Chocolate Cream! Yum! The factory shop in the outlet centre here used to sell big packs of them Then it closed, and became a Hotel Chocolat